One Of the Best days Ever.

All I can say is...

I've haven't FELT this happy...In awhile.

I haven't SMILED this much in ages.

I haven't had this feeling is so long.

And

I LOVE IT.

I Know Things work out for a reason.

I KNOW Heavenly Father will make paths for us.

I know that He loves me, Because even when I stray

even when I make a dumb choice

He still guides me.

He guides me because he wants me to know

He still loves me

and wants me to grow closer to Him.

I have seen so many countless Blessings in my life recently

Its hard to hold back the gratitude I have for my Father in Heaven.

He KNOWS me.

He LOVES me.

And because I know these things

It helps my testimony grow that I will be Happiest where he guides me.

I know fully, that if I am willing to sacrifice the little insignificant things I want NOW

and Do all that I can to grow closer to him...

The end result will be my COMPLETE happiness.

Inside. and Out.

I am SO happy today.

Even my mom noticed.

She said she hasn't seen me this happy in a long time.

And its because I have had some major changes

and some MAJOR closure.

and some MAJOR excitement.

One day, you will possibly know what Im speaking of.

But for now

Its a secret.

I Grand Secret.

A secret so wonderful

delightful

happy

funny

peaceful

right

good

and

REAL

that it will make even the toughest Smile.

Yes. One day I will write of Wonderful things.

But for now....

I just smile.

Because I know...All things work out in mysterious ways..

And I know its because thats how the Lord works.

And that my friends

Works for Me.

Losing It

Sometimes, I think I've already lost It.

Sometimes, I wish I would.

Then I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

I am sitting at home, all alone in my big bed.

Eating grilled chicken and listening to FM Static.

The song is called "Take me as I am"

Perfect.

Is it so wrong that I hate being alone?

I don't want to spend my time thinking about myself

Worrying about little things that never matter

or ever will.

I hate the feeling that at any moment I could think something I dont want to.

Don't get me wrong.

I am so comfortable just relaxing.

I am okay when I can be quiet and Peaceful.

My life isn't so hectic and insane that when I get the chance to breathe

I don't.

Because I do.

But I know I have to ability to make it so much better

with someone by my side.

I will never be

and I am not the type

who wants to be alone.

I want to love someone

Take care of them.

Give them all that I have, and Fight to give them even more than that.

I want to feel peaceful knowing I can give all I have to offer

to someone who wants it.

I know.

Some may say Im in too much of a hurry.

But I'm not.

I just know when I am happiest.

When I can fully give all I have to someone.

Sue me.

But don't really....I don't have anything to give

But Love.

So if you wanna, you can sew me for that.

I just know one thing

God made me this way for a reason

I'd rather spend all my time serving and doting on someone else

because when I'm alone

all I do is think think think

and it never gets me anywhere but

down.

So for now, I'll settle with my chicken and Hunger Games.

Ill listen to music.

Make my bed.

Do the 3 dishes in the sink

and clean out the fridge.

But

I know sooner than later

I'll just wanna say goodnight to someone.

And love them.

One things for sure...

When that day comes...

I will have plenty of love to give and It wont ever go away.

And I am okay with that.

I may be losin' my mind but I still got my Heart.

(P.S. I loooove you guys!)

I Went, And I'm Glad I did.

I went to Lake Powell.

Met my new friend Cason...

Spent alot of quality time with Rhetlee....

Loved watching Squishy Be Cute...

Decided Buddha would be a Heartbreaker when he grows up...

Took tons of Pictures ...

And Had a Blast. I don't even know where to begin.

It was an amazing trip. With Amazing people. I feel in love with the Olsen

and Ashby Families and Decided My new obsession is The Lake.

(2nd in line to The Dunes)

Duh.

But Im am glad I decided to go, and put aside my fears of looking ugly all week,

Matter of fact, I didnt even think about it.

I was having too much fun.

I realized Life is too Short.

We have got to love who we are and just Live Life.

Gahh, I Love Lake Powell.

I love being Sunkissed.

I love feeling like Butterflies live in my stomach.

I love My cousin Shaunie and her Hubs Ramsey.

I love Utah.

I Love Love Love LOVE!

I Am Grateful For: My Brother Coby

That's Us.

And this is my Older Brother Coby Duane.

He is one of my Favorite people, and Best Friends.

Granted, He has a girlfriend (who I also Love) and we have Busy Lives

I think of him as a Best friend

because we are so much alike.

We Have the same humor and have habit of talkin crazy with eachother

Which always gets the rest of the Family laughing.

I love my Bro. He is seriously one of the Funniest people Ive ever met.

He's tough, and he is super Cool

(I guess it runs in the family ... haha)

Coby is also very different than I am.

He owns a Zoo in his room... Practically. I wouldnt mind an animal or two

But Not a ZOO in my ROOM!

Okay, only if there were a Monkey.

I just wanted to say how neat he is.

He's super smart

WAY fun to go out fourwheelin with

and He supports me. He is always there for me

and I love him!

Im so glad he's my brother because some of my best memories and laughs

were with him!

Love you Cobus!

I Am Grateful For: My Brother Cade

Some days, I think I'd like to grab him by the ear and lug him to the garage.

But, Most days, I am Grateful for this Guy.

He's Hilarious.

He's So Smart.

And he's a Cutie Patootie!

I know he will accomplish amazing things in his life.

He has such a neat personality. Although SO different from the rest of us kids

He is different in amazing Ways. He's So totally cool.

I Love it when he has something funny to say

Admittedly, Sometimes I don't laugh even if I think its Hilarious.

or

Because Im too caught up in my own selfish thoughts

I dont pay attention to him

But I want to

And Im going to

Because He's AWESOME!

Its kinda like he just....Knows what to say.

He has a great imagination, and still acts like a kid. Like me.

We are so much more alike than sometime I like to admit.

I mean, He IS my little brother. Im supposed to give him

Tough Love , Right?

Anyway, I just hope that Kid knows How cool he is.

I think of him and my coolest little brother.

And

I think of him as my Friend.

Even if I dont act like it.

I know he will do great things

and I Know he's my brother for a reason.

I love this Kid!!

Paranoid

Well, I got invited to the Lake.

Lake Powell.

Am I excited? Of course.

But I am Paranoid.

I am not down 20lbs yet and I look awful in a Swimsuit.

I am so super embarrassed.

I don't know If I can make myself go.

Besides that I do not have natural wave or curl to my hair

and its flat as a board.

I will be on the beach, camping and swimming

for a whole week.

One Whole Week.

That means, No makeup.

Swimsuit all day and night.

No shower.

And lets not mention, that if I cant shave, Ill have hairy legs.

Gross.

I have almost made up my mind.

Some of us just don't have natural beauty

or

feel like we can look pretty just being Us.

Well thats Me.

I feel intimidated and Highly nervous.

What in the world!

Iwork out every day and am Trying to get myself in shape

But thats not good enough until I see results.

Sooooo What to do?

I just Do Not know.

Gaahhhhhhhh

It's a Feat

Dear Friends

I am going to start off by saying that sometimes there are things we just have to do

And in my time back home I have realized a list of things that I am in need of

1. A better Patience and Understanding for the Lord's Plan for me

2. A better spiritual well being.

3. A better attitude

4. A better way to relieve stress than by eating and sleeping

5. A healthier diet

6. An all around life Change.

Yes. I have decided, just as everyone does at some point in life

To Change.

I hadn't really dwelled on the life I had been living until I realized I wasn't Happy.

I went running one day and realized I could hardly run for a half of a mile.

I ate when I was upset.

I Sat around alot, feeling like I wasn't able to do much else.

And one day it hit me, that I could never be happy this way.

I don't do well with text book living, or monotonous schedules.

I do well with change and excitement.

So, seeing as how I have a very monotonous schedule with a very exciting girl

and not alot of ease when it comes to eating right or getting in my workout

I decided to take it into my own hands.

I went out on a limb and I got myself a gym membership

and a Personal Trainer.

Most people will argue that I could do it all on my own if really wanted to.

That its a waste of my money.

Here's what I have to say to those people.

I do well with challenges and I realized that for myself to lose the weight I need to

To Be Healthy

and to get in shape

I needed to do this for Myself. Its not for anyone but Me.

When I realized I couldn't hardly walk without my chest hurting me and my ankles

throbbing

I realized My life was more important.

My health was more important.

So, about a week ago, I start a new schedule.

8am-4pm Work

6pm Mon-Tue-Thurs-Fri Personal Training

Its not perfect, and yes theres alot of down time

But because I am actually being active

and Motivating myself to be better

It's working.

I can feel a difference in my walk.

In my spirit.

In my Life.

And thats what its all about.

Its not about the looks I get from guys

or the clothes I see on other people, that I want to wear.

Its not about sitting down and not seeing a roll on my stomach

or the way I look in my swimsuit.

None of that matters.

None of that will ever matter.

Because in the end, all that matters is

If I lived my life to the very fullest

and Loved every second.

When I am working out daily

When I take the time to read

or write my thoughts down

When I take the time to Pray, and get some spiritual insight

When I take the time for a Hot bath

and some Good Music

When I can wake up in the morning feeling the tightness in my muscles

though it be little

I can smile and Know that I am healing myself.

I am doing something for myself

So that I can do ALL that I can

For Others.

Its a circle

First, you must care for yourself.

Get yourself to a place of contentment and peacefulness.

Though it may not be perfect, because no life is, it will be Sweet.

Then, After you have brought yourself to that place,

You can Fully care for those around you.

When your focused on the health of your loved ones

it strengthens you even more

You feel more capable and more able.

You feel better, happier, more content.

But in NO way can this happen, Unless you Love yourself First.

So, Friends, I want to include you in my journey to self improvement.

I want to share with you the journey of a girl

who is broken inside, who is at a point in her life who feels like I am not capable of much.

Even just exercising daily.

These simple things have become hard for me

And I want you to be here with me as I Move Forward on my Journey.

I am going to do something that I would never imagine to do before now.

But I want to do this for myself.

This is like my Journal.

So, Here goes Nothin.

I'm Going to post a picture of Me. In my Chonies.

Okay, I lied, Not my Chonies.

A swimsuit.

The wretched Swimsuit.

I'm doing this to follow my own improvement.

I feel like If I share it with you, it will motivate me.

And maybe, If theres anyone out there like me, Who feels so broken inside

and so Uncontent with themselves,

You can do it with me.

I will Make it a goal to post once a month, maybe more

On my progress.

This will help me to force myself to change

because then I'll know that You will be watching.

Maybe no one will be.

But, Because I am ready for this change

and willing to humiliate myself

for my benefit.

I realize these are pretty immodest and kinda gross

But you do what you got to do right!

Well friends

These are just some pictures of me as I am in part in my life

in each picture

where I am struggling to feel good about myself.

Granted, it has NOTHING to do with the people in the pictures with me.

I love each of those people. Its just showing myself

How I am not happy.

So, This is the beginning post

To my journey on Self Improvement.

And I hope you'll be there along the way

Cause when someones telling me to do it, I can!

You are all amazing, each and everyone of you.

And I hope you know that the first step to finding happiness for YOU,

is self acceptance.

And KNOWING that you ARE worth the time

and the effort to moving forward and finding

Peace.

Be safe, and Until Next time.

Much Love

Bree