Friday, January 28, 2011

A Quotist.

" Positivity is the root of all Possibility, Dig it up."

I think I like it.
Last night, I was up, Feeling rather inspired.

This quote was the only thing that popped into my head.
I dont need a "like" button for this one.

I already Love it.

Happy Friday!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The News

I'm Moving.
To....dun dun dun...
Taylor, Arizona.

I am so excited.
I am ready for a big change. New job. New faces.
New challenges.
A new Me.

It's about time I get goin' with my Life and my Self betterment.
Ive recently applied for jobs at the hospital in Show Low and hope I get one!
But, I also have a job being a Nanny for the Perkins.
Cash and Stetson are my little dudes I'll be watching and Its going to be amazing.

Its something I am ready for. This is going to be UNREAL.
Its the part of my life when things start happening.
I got invited by one of my favorites to Ireland in October and Im going to start saving my Pennies.
And you know what else, I want to go to Hawaii.
So, Taylor, Here I come.
Its time to start workin, and savin and moving FORWARD.
No more looking back!

I will miss so many people.
I love you all so much.
But there are a few special people who never left my side.
My Family. I love them with ALL of me. And I am so grateful for them.
Kelli, I love you sister.
Mama , Beccabear and Drew Holleran. You guys have been such HUGE blessings to me. I love you guys!
And gosh, if i could list them all out. EACH and EVERY single one of my friends and family.
I love you guys. ALOT.

Dont ever give up on yourselves. Love yourself enough to give yourself what you need.
(and want)

I love you guys! Cross you fingers for me! Im on a HUGE MISSION and IM NOT STOPPING HERE!!!!!

Love, Breeee

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Life's Lesson,Never Learned.

Sometimes I wonder how I can move so far backward, Its like I never moved forward.
I wonder why I make decisions or put myself in situations that Ive been in
and theres no good that come from it.

I'm sick of who Ive become, where Im at in my life, and where Im Not.
I want to stop feeling like I have to rely on someone to be happy.

I have discovered a few things about myself.
Its mostly phsycological.

Ever since Ive been divorced, I had this overwhelming need to confirm I can handle SOMETHING.
At any point, I just wanted to feel as though I wouldnt fail at everything I did.

You see, It all started with the realization that I failed at marriage and being a good wife.
Then it became much bigger, soon enough, I felt as though id fail at everything I would ever do.

So, in some sort of failed attempt to regain my own self worth, I began trying extra hard in everything I did.

Sometimes, I tried too hard.

I would begin to try and take care of everyone I met.
Like a mother would do.

I felt the need to make others happy so I could drown out my own needs and feelings.
I would overwhelm the people in my life.
And from there, I began thinking to much. Worried I would never be good enough for anyone.
No matter how well I could care for someone, I feared I could never make another person happy.
Im afraid ive gone off the deep end, and become to reliant on the acceptance of others that Ive forgetten to figure out who I am.
I know who I am, I think.
But I doubt that often because Im in a state of confusion.

I constantly wonder if Ill ever succeed.
If ill ever really be happy.
If ill ever be able to make somone truly happy.
If I will ever feel Normal.

Ive pushed away everyone I know.
I start liking someone and feel like I want to really be good at that relationship, and scare them away.

I thought I was just loyal.
But I guess I smother people.

I dont know why I feel the need to try so hard. But I do. Im passionate about what I do. All the time.

I havent seen the movie Eat Pray Love yet, but I have a feeling Im like Julia Roberts character.
I need to remove myself from this familiar setting and start thinking about my health, mentally.

I need to learn to rely on myself , and myself alone.
I need to learn to be okay when Im alone.

So that when the day comes I have become reliant on myself.
Maybe then, I cant look for someone else to rely on.
And then, they can comfortably rely, on me.

Time will tell.
Until then, Im goin to try and be okay with the fact that once again, Ive failed.

Ill accept it for what it is, and start focusing on my life.