Tuesday, June 22, 2010

It's a Feat

Dear Friends
I am going to start off by saying that sometimes there are things we just have to do
And in my time back home I have realized a list of things that I am in need of
1. A better Patience and Understanding for the Lord's Plan for me
2. A better spiritual well being.
3. A better attitude
4. A better way to relieve stress than by eating and sleeping
5. A healthier diet
6. An all around life Change.

Yes. I have decided, just as everyone does at some point in life
To Change.

I hadn't really dwelled on the life I had been living until I realized I wasn't Happy.
I went running one day and realized I could hardly run for a half of a mile.
I ate when I was upset.
I Sat around alot, feeling like I wasn't able to do much else.
And one day it hit me, that I could never be happy this way.

I don't do well with text book living, or monotonous schedules.
I do well with change and excitement.

So, seeing as how I have a very monotonous schedule with a very exciting girl
and not alot of ease when it comes to eating right or getting in my workout
I decided to take it into my own hands.
I went out on a limb and I got myself a gym membership
and a Personal Trainer.

Most people will argue that I could do it all on my own if really wanted to.
That its a waste of my money.

Here's what I have to say to those people.
I do well with challenges and I realized that for myself to lose the weight I need to
To Be Healthy
and to get in shape
I needed to do this for Myself. Its not for anyone but Me.

When I realized I couldn't hardly walk without my chest hurting me and my ankles
I realized My life was more important.
My health was more important.

So, about a week ago, I start a new schedule.
8am-4pm Work
6pm Mon-Tue-Thurs-Fri Personal Training

Its not perfect, and yes theres alot of down time
But because I am actually being active
and Motivating myself to be better
It's working.

I can feel a difference in my walk.
In my spirit.
In my Life.

And thats what its all about.
Its not about the looks I get from guys
or the clothes I see on other people, that I want to wear.
Its not about sitting down and not seeing a roll on my stomach
or the way I look in my swimsuit.

None of that matters.
None of that will ever matter.
Because in the end, all that matters is
If I lived my life to the very fullest
and Loved every second.

When I am working out daily
When I take the time to read
or write my thoughts down
When I take the time to Pray, and get some spiritual insight
When I take the time for a Hot bath
and some Good Music
When I can wake up in the morning feeling the tightness in my muscles
though it be little
I can smile and Know that I am healing myself.
I am doing something for myself
So that I can do ALL that I can
For Others.

Its a circle
First, you must care for yourself.
Get yourself to a place of contentment and peacefulness.
Though it may not be perfect, because no life is, it will be Sweet.
Then, After you have brought yourself to that place,
You can Fully care for those around you.
When your focused on the health of your loved ones
it strengthens you even more
You feel more capable and more able.
You feel better, happier, more content.
But in NO way can this happen, Unless you Love yourself First.

So, Friends, I want to include you in my journey to self improvement.
I want to share with you the journey of a girl
who is broken inside, who is at a point in her life who feels like I am not capable of much.
Even just exercising daily.
These simple things have become hard for me
And I want you to be here with me as I Move Forward on my Journey.

I am going to do something that I would never imagine to do before now.
But I want to do this for myself.
This is like my Journal.

So, Here goes Nothin.
I'm Going to post a picture of Me. In my Chonies.
Okay, I lied, Not my Chonies.
A swimsuit.

The wretched Swimsuit.
I'm doing this to follow my own improvement.
I feel like If I share it with you, it will motivate me.
And maybe, If theres anyone out there like me, Who feels so broken inside
and so Uncontent with themselves,
You can do it with me.

I will Make it a goal to post once a month, maybe more
On my progress.
This will help me to force myself to change
because then I'll know that You will be watching.
Maybe no one will be.
But, Because I am ready for this change
and willing to humiliate myself
for my benefit.

I realize these are pretty immodest and kinda gross
But you do what you got to do right!

Well friends
These are just some pictures of me as I am in part in my life
in each picture
where I am struggling to feel good about myself.
Granted, it has NOTHING to do with the people in the pictures with me.
I love each of those people. Its just showing myself
How I am not happy.

So, This is the beginning post
To my journey on Self Improvement.
And I hope you'll be there along the way
Cause when someones telling me to do it, I can!

You are all amazing, each and everyone of you.
And I hope you know that the first step to finding happiness for YOU,
is self acceptance.
And KNOWING that you ARE worth the time
and the effort to moving forward and finding

Be safe, and Until Next time.
Much Love


Buck and Whitni Watkins said...

You can do it!!!

nikkita said...

Hey good thought…yes, it is very important when it comes to health and it’s good that you have decided to do Personal Training. I really wanted to do Personal Fitness Training that Enerjoy Fitness has. I found it on, http://www.azontherocks.com/services/enerjoy_fitness.aspx as it has all of these:
• Breakthrough Nutrition Programs
• Personal Fitness Training
• Indoor Weight Loss Fitness Boot Camps
• Hip-Hop Classes (Adult, Kids & Private)
• Kickboxing
• Fitness Model Training. I have signed up for Enerjoy fitness. Take a look at their website and give yourself an inspiration to move too. It’s going great!

Timber said...

Whatever you need to do to heal, DO IT! I love you and I will be looking foreward to seeing your progress. Never give up. You are beautiful inside and out. You have something amazing about you that I felt the first time we met. Everyone felt it here. Don't lose that person.
Love ME

erin said...

i fee like i can relate to you girl! where you just feel like you need to get your life in check! very inspirational :)

Jen and Brian Smithson said...

Your so beautiful and so cute and so much fun to be with !! I saw you a few weeks ago and thought you looked amazing.. but I totally get it .. I hate when you go thru the down times and feel like crap. So i proud of you for working out!! you can do it.. caz your just that awesome good luck!!