It's a Feat

Dear Friends

I am going to start off by saying that sometimes there are things we just have to do

And in my time back home I have realized a list of things that I am in need of

1. A better Patience and Understanding for the Lord's Plan for me

2. A better spiritual well being.

3. A better attitude

4. A better way to relieve stress than by eating and sleeping

5. A healthier diet

6. An all around life Change.

Yes. I have decided, just as everyone does at some point in life

To Change.

I hadn't really dwelled on the life I had been living until I realized I wasn't Happy.

I went running one day and realized I could hardly run for a half of a mile.

I ate when I was upset.

I Sat around alot, feeling like I wasn't able to do much else.

And one day it hit me, that I could never be happy this way.

I don't do well with text book living, or monotonous schedules.

I do well with change and excitement.

So, seeing as how I have a very monotonous schedule with a very exciting girl

and not alot of ease when it comes to eating right or getting in my workout

I decided to take it into my own hands.

I went out on a limb and I got myself a gym membership

and a Personal Trainer.

Most people will argue that I could do it all on my own if really wanted to.

That its a waste of my money.

Here's what I have to say to those people.

I do well with challenges and I realized that for myself to lose the weight I need to

To Be Healthy

and to get in shape

I needed to do this for Myself. Its not for anyone but Me.

When I realized I couldn't hardly walk without my chest hurting me and my ankles

throbbing

I realized My life was more important.

My health was more important.

So, about a week ago, I start a new schedule.

8am-4pm Work

6pm Mon-Tue-Thurs-Fri Personal Training

Its not perfect, and yes theres alot of down time

But because I am actually being active

and Motivating myself to be better

It's working.

I can feel a difference in my walk.

In my spirit.

In my Life.

And thats what its all about.

Its not about the looks I get from guys

or the clothes I see on other people, that I want to wear.

Its not about sitting down and not seeing a roll on my stomach

or the way I look in my swimsuit.

None of that matters.

None of that will ever matter.

Because in the end, all that matters is

If I lived my life to the very fullest

and Loved every second.

When I am working out daily

When I take the time to read

or write my thoughts down

When I take the time to Pray, and get some spiritual insight

When I take the time for a Hot bath

and some Good Music

When I can wake up in the morning feeling the tightness in my muscles

though it be little

I can smile and Know that I am healing myself.

I am doing something for myself

So that I can do ALL that I can

For Others.

Its a circle

First, you must care for yourself.

Get yourself to a place of contentment and peacefulness.

Though it may not be perfect, because no life is, it will be Sweet.

Then, After you have brought yourself to that place,

You can Fully care for those around you.

When your focused on the health of your loved ones

it strengthens you even more

You feel more capable and more able.

You feel better, happier, more content.

But in NO way can this happen, Unless you Love yourself First.

So, Friends, I want to include you in my journey to self improvement.

I want to share with you the journey of a girl

who is broken inside, who is at a point in her life who feels like I am not capable of much.

Even just exercising daily.

These simple things have become hard for me

And I want you to be here with me as I Move Forward on my Journey.

I am going to do something that I would never imagine to do before now.

But I want to do this for myself.

This is like my Journal.

So, Here goes Nothin.

I'm Going to post a picture of Me. In my Chonies.

Okay, I lied, Not my Chonies.

A swimsuit.

The wretched Swimsuit.

I'm doing this to follow my own improvement.

I feel like If I share it with you, it will motivate me.

And maybe, If theres anyone out there like me, Who feels so broken inside

and so Uncontent with themselves,

You can do it with me.

I will Make it a goal to post once a month, maybe more

On my progress.

This will help me to force myself to change

because then I'll know that You will be watching.

Maybe no one will be.

But, Because I am ready for this change

and willing to humiliate myself

for my benefit.

I realize these are pretty immodest and kinda gross

But you do what you got to do right!

Well friends

These are just some pictures of me as I am in part in my life

in each picture

where I am struggling to feel good about myself.

Granted, it has NOTHING to do with the people in the pictures with me.

I love each of those people. Its just showing myself

How I am not happy.

So, This is the beginning post

To my journey on Self Improvement.

And I hope you'll be there along the way

Cause when someones telling me to do it, I can!

You are all amazing, each and everyone of you.

And I hope you know that the first step to finding happiness for YOU,

is self acceptance.

And KNOWING that you ARE worth the time

and the effort to moving forward and finding

Peace.

Be safe, and Until Next time.

Much Love

Bree

Long time Coming

It's been a long time comin'.

This feelin' I've got.
No rains gonna wash it

No Suns gonna bleach it

It's here and I want to run from it.

But

I plant my feet right here where Im at

Where my roots take me back

Im not leavin this place
Till Ive got dirt on my face

and some bone in my back.

Im holding out strong

Im gonna hold on

cause thats what my brother would do

He'd tell me to pray

and walk in his way

He'd tell me to smile

work and serve all the while.

My knees will get shaky

My heart will feel broken

the tears will roll
But Ill continue on my journey

till all things have been spoken.

I will not give up

I will not sit down and cry

Ill stand and make known the warrior I am.

Satan cant take me

Ive got my brother at my side
and with this faith, I wont hide

Its a battle worth fighting

My life is worth living

This spirit is worth strengthening

And I wont give up on myself.

*

Dear Friends

I feel like I want to share with you a story.

It's about me.

I took a bike ride tonight and wanted to just let the wind hit my face.

Sometimes its just nice to breathe in some fresh air and let all the bad go out.

So I did Just that.

I looked up at the stars and thought:

Heavenly Father, I know what the meaning of life is. I know where Im going and

why Im here. I know this gospel is true, I know its right and good.

I know whats right and whats wrong

I know you created this beautiful place and that Im here for a purpose.

But sometimes I wonder

When Ill get to the place

on this earth

When I am most peaceful.

I know that each day has its struggles. I am not naive

or stupid

Nothing comes easy.

But I also know

That through Faith, comes Hope.

And with faith and hope and alot of determination to fight for my own peacefulness.

My own Happiness.

And Goodness in my life.
I will find it.

And when I get there

It will be Bliss.

Because even then

My Trials and Tribulations

will seem worth the fight.

I know my Father in Heaven gave me this spirit

so I can fight

So I can know what its like to want to give up

and then realize

I am worth the fight.

That peace, that happiness.

Its worth the battle.

And once I win the war

The battles will come easier.

Lately I cry because I feel like I just can't do it.

I just cant go another day feeling like Ive got nothing to live for.

No goals.

But I do have alot to live for.

Ive got a Life to live for.

Family.
Sunrises, sunsets.

Laughing and crying.

Goosebumps.

Smiles.

It all seems worth it in that moment when I feel so happy

I want to cry

And that makes me know

Its worth it now

Even if I want to give up and just sit in bed all day.

"Broad is the gate, and wide the way that leadeth to the deaths; and many there are that go in thereat, because they receive me not..."

I've learned that only through my Faith in my Father in Heaven and in my brother Jesus Christ,

I can direct my own path, according to my Fathers plan for me, and it can be away from that broad gate.

I learned that I will make mistakes

and that through them I am strong.

But Now I know

it is not those mistakes that

Make me.

I make myself from the mistakes.

I do not let them mold me or determine my future.

I make it for myself.

" For straight is the gate, and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and continuation

of the lives, and few there be that find it..."

I walk on that straight and narrow path

from here until He comes again.

I will fight this war and win.

I will fight the battles and conquer

and when I go to the gates of Heaven and look at my Brother,and my Father in Heaven,

I will Know that in me

is the Truth, the Courage

The light.

All my weaknesses and downfalls

the trials

will have been made strong unto me.

I will be Done with my learning and growing

I will be strong and refined

I will know who I am

and the Fight that I fought.

And then

I will start all over.

" Around here, however,we don't look backwards for long. We keep Moving Forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious...and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."

Keep Moving Forward

I'm Sorry

Really.

If someone hurts me, offends me, or is rude.

I'll immediatly forgive them.

They don't even have to tell me they are sorry.

But for some reason

I am being hated on as of late.

I do a good deed.

I get punished.

Okay so, I could have done it differently but

that doesnt change that its done.

Or

that is was all done from the kindness of my Heart.

I think sometimes

We get carried away.

Life gets rough and Trials attack us.

Its like your senses are off kilter and we don't know what to do.

We feel violated

confused

frustrated

and angry.

But at any point in these trials

we must remember

Patience

Hope

and Love.

Because if we posses these qualities

Trials will always be much easier

on our

Hearts

our Spirits and our Bodies.

I totally dislike when there is contention in my life.

It just doesn't agree with my Simple way of thinking.

Which is

Forgive and Forget

and I wont regret.

Life is too short to be angry.

Angry enough to dig for more reasons to be angry

too short to be mad at someone whose done no wrong

too short to waste my thinking on angry thoughts.

I want to look back at yesterday, or even 5 years and say

I apologized and I did what I could.

I was kind, I was patient and I handled it well.

I handeled it like My Brother Jesus Christ would have.

I love my friends, I love my Family.

I love them so much, Id do anything for anyone of them.

Even someone I dont know.

What I do know

is that I find more peace with myself

When I can handle a situation with Grace and Patience.

And I also know

That any trial I go through will make me Stronger.

I want to be Courageous.

I want to be Strong.

I want to be Tough.

But I dont want

to be hard headed

arrogant or pompous.

I just want to look at myself and say

It's okay. It's All good.

Life

can get better

so can

My Attitude.

Forgive and Forget Quickly.

Love Intensely.

Live Fully.

I have 2 New Albums

On Facebook.

I don't like How is takes Blogger

like 5 hours to download my Photos.

As you all know

I went to vegas last weekend.

It is Filthy

But it was still Funnn.

And this weekend I took a random Trip to Six Flags and Redando Beach

with my friend Trent

And It was a Blassstt!

Needless to say, I give you some picture from each Adventure and if you'd

like to see the rest

Search me On Facebook.

Yes, I do have a facebook.

Yes I do.

This is My Lady Bug, His name is Sace.

I wouldn't necissarily say the giant white bear is

A Creeper.

I would say

He Is.

Round One- To Miss Swagger

Las Vegas, Nevada

I have never laid Foot on the Soil of this Forsaken Place.

But This weekend, Ill be making a Trip, No, A Journey

to the countries

Dirtiest

City.

Dirty Money

Is What we will Be Making.

Its Not just a vacation

or A leisure Trip my Friends

We will be coming back Billionaires.

Millions are for the Birds.

Ive packed my Black Dress, and High Heels.

My Hair is Vegas Blonde.

My nails are done

My legs are tan

and my Teeth are White.

*

Ive got dice and Ive Swagger.

My Hands are gettin Hot

I feel like throwin down

right Here on The Strip

but I might get Caught.

My fingers grip, The snake eyes Glare

Im layin it All Down on Red

You Will never go There.

Makin my Billions

My Swag is Legit

Dont threaten Me

Or ill have to Make you Quit.

Your money is mine

Your a Fool I can see

Its only a matter of Time.

Ill walk outta this place, Sunglasses as a mirror

Suit coat crisp and clean

Youll Know we own Billions, and itll Never be Clearer.

You cant talk our Talk

You cant walk our Walk

Hell No I wont be your tutor

I know you wanna be Me

Cause Im'a Hot Shooter.

*

Boom.

Don't Judge, Just be Jealous

We will Be Ballin All over Vegas.

My Cousins wedding is Gonna Rock

But Friends, I cant wait to Throw down.

(by that, i mean, visit the m&mfactory)

I am SOOO Excited.

Infact, My friend K

went on a Diet with No Soda.

A Whole Month,

No Soda.

Just so he can play Craps.

I Have been preparing for this weekend for a Month.

And its time

Time to Show Vegas

Who Wins and who Loses.

What Happens there, Will Stay there.

(except, ill be showin tons of pictures, be prepared!)

Jesus Christ Lives, And, He Loves Us.

I Know He Loves Us.

I know He Died for Us.

I Know He never gave Any of us, something we couldn't handle.

I know when we Feel we can't Handle it, He can Strengthen Us.

I know He guides Us.

I know He has provided a Way for Us, that we Might all Return to Him.

I know that Through him, we find Peace and Happiness.

I know that Following His path and His way, will Only Bring Us Joy.

I know His Gospel is Right and True.

I know he Put Special Guidelines for us, Because they are Right and can only bring us to Him.

I know When that Sweet Spirit is Near, I feel Calm.

Sometimes, I don't Know Much.

But I KNOW this:

There will never be a moment in my life when I ask where God is.

He is There, in Heaven.

Looking down on us, Putting a guiding light in our lives.

Loving us, Preparing Us, Teaching Us, Strengthening Us.

He Will NEVER leave us.

Because

I KNOW

He Loves Us.

The Curse of Independance

As I sit and think about the past few months of my life

I realize how different of a person I am.

I feel guilty at the outcome and often wonder what I will learn

But I also know what I have already Learned.

As many of you may know, And many of you may not

I was married for a little over a year of my life

To an amazing guy with a heart of gold

But Sometimes we make mistakes

and do things that don't make sense

Ever.

Well, I've also been divorced.

In my 22 years of life in this planet

I have never learned more of myself than in this last year.

I know, it was alot to go through

just to learn some

But I know, that in the end

It will be a blessing.

Heavenly Father loves each of us and wants each of us to be Happy.

And when I say Happy, I mean Completely Peaceful.

If we aren't, He doesn't expect us to stay that way.

Well Ever since I've come back to Mesa

I have had to adjust alot.

I am finally going to start my old job back up

which I am afraid of. I feel like Ill Fail.

I havent worked in a year.

I fee like Everything I do

is like a new start

But I also feel like Im new at all of it.

Its scary to be someone for so long

and Meet a New You.

Then have to return to the old you once again.

Im afraid to Live life. Im afraid to Run and Let myself Fly.

Im a Dreamer.

Its a curse.

I Dream all day of how I want to be, Who I want to become.

Everyday I strive to be better at something.

Some things I have decided for myself:

1. Be outgoing, Don't be afraid of anyone. Chances are, they are just as scared.

2.Make new friends,Love people, Love yourself- and others will too

3. Work Hard.Working hard makes me strong and capable of so much more.

4. Smile all day. Don't let the little things take away your sunshine.

5.Be kind. To everyone, Love them like they are you Family. Drop what you're doing and serve them.

6. Take in the moments, not the hours.

7.Enjoy the small things. But Don't ignore the big moments in life.

8. Trust myself to Be. Be good, Be happy,Be smart, Be wonderful,Be intelligent, Be kind, Be patient, Be selfless.

9.Don't be afraid to follow your dreams. Take that random trip, Sing out loud while your driving, Dance around the kitchen, Smile at a stranger, Take chances, Take Risks, Learn new things, Never be afraid. Nothing can stop you, But you.

10. Love unconditionally. Myself and Others.

As I read this list, Im certain I have left some out

Im certain I have thought of others

and they may be significant or not.

But thats No matter.

Because I know that As I try to do this, sometimes Ill be brought down.

I am the only one who can let myself feel defeated.

But today, I felt defeated.

I havent been working as much as I needed

I havent done all that I can to better myself

I have made dumb decisions

But

Its Okay.

I learn.

We never stop learning.

I know that when My clutch is bad, I shouldnt drive to Tucson.

I know that when I have No money I should go spending it.

I can recognize the feeling that tells me something isn't a good idea.

This week I have tried to make friends

And because I am so attracted to things that guys like, I like to make friends with them.

I decided not to be afraid of myself

So I introduced myself to a guy at the mud bogs who is a mechanic and Likes to play in the dirt.

He is a good friend now.

If I want to work on a truck, just to learn how It works,

He will do it with me.

I decided to reconnect with old friends

Ones who will go to midnight movies, and get pumped about going to Las Vegas with me

Just because we wanna Dress like we're millionaires.

I let myself go offroading with some new people

and had a blast.

I didnt hold myself back.

Now they are good friends

The kind who call at 10pm to go cruise the desert

or hit the mud bogs

or go find treasure around town.

I like being me,

Im spontaneous

Not embarrassed to act stupid

Crazy

Slap Happy

Random

I love to play in the dirt

Do something crazy just to feel that way

I like being confusing

I like not knowing what tommorrow will hold

I like getting excited about one night camping trips

just to leave and come right back

I love the smell of gasoline

Lyin on the ground just to look under a truck

I love the sunshine

Loud music and driving fast.

I am me. And I am okay with that.

I try to be honest and tell it how it is.

My friend is struggling right now, he has been in my life for 5 years now. And I have always cared about him. I care about my friends.

I have a tendancy to love unconditionally.

That is my downfall.

My mom tells me Not to count on making alot of guy friends because guys my age

want wives

and I just wanna be Friends.

Shes So right.

But it makes me angry. I just want to be a good friend, maybe I just wanna be one of the guys.

Today I went to walmart and Bought My friend some survival goodies and put them in a bag.

and I took them to his moms house just so he Could have a surprise.

My brother told me Not to be TOO nice.

I got so angry.

I just want to be kind. I did it because I know it will Help. Because I know it will make things easier on him. Because I care.

And thats all I want.

I want to be ME, without all the assumptions, the judgements.

I want things to make sense, I want others to understand who I am.

I will always want to do and be the kindest person I can.

If that means making a package just so you Smile.

So

be

It.

If I want to drive 2hours just to be with an old friend, Just to escape here, and go there.

Trust me.

I can.

I know Im independant-

I want to drive far-

all by myself

I want to buy my own things

pay my own bills

I want to be tell you you are amazing

and Not feel like Ill lead you on

I want to tell you YOU CAN

and Not have everyone tell me I am making you believe something else.

I want to Love you and Not feel like I have to marry you.

I want to smile at you, just so you smile.

I want to rub your back, because it hurts, And I want to help.

I want to give you a note because your day was bad.

I want to Laugh because your funny

or

call you to see how you are.

When I say You, I mean all my friends.

I want my friends, my family

to know I love them.

I want to tell you I love you

and I hope you know I mean it.

I dont want being me, or being independant to be a curse.

I dont think its meant to be that way.

I want to do what guys do, I want to sleep under the stars

fix things that are broken

have dirt on my face and not care

Have my hair in a mess, and it be no matter,

I want to have a zit and not feel like pounds of makeup is needed to impress you.

I want to come over in sweats and a ponytail just to hang out and relax.

I want to eat food and not feel like im being compared to the anorexic girl next to me

I want to be proud of my chubby self and to love me, for me.

If you dont like how I look, Its okay.

Everyone is different. I dont need the world to love me

I love me.

And thats all that matters.

I hope I can make new friends

and have them forever.

I hope I can continue to learn about Me

and Love me

I know sometimes Ill doubt myself

But its okay

Ill be stronger tommorrow.

I Know who I am, And what I feel and what I mean. And I promise to be honest and kind.

I Promise to never give Up on myself

or on my family

or friends.

I promise to remember I CAN.

I always can.

And I know you can too.

I have a purpose on this earth

And its not to hide behind my fears

or run away from an oppurtunity.

Its to embrace to the good, and be the best.

The worth of Souls is Great in the Sight of God.

Love, Bree