Sunday, September 5, 2010

My List

Tonight I watched A Walk to Remember.
Those of you how have seen it, know that this movie is Sad.
But even when I knew the ending, I could still smile throughout the whole movie.
It made me Hope for Love and Life.
It made me realize that I haven't ever sat down and thought about those small
and simple things that I want to do in life.

Of course I've done those lists of the "5 years from now, 10 years from now"
but I was always so vague. I just wanted to list the basic goals and be done.
But I've never sat and thought about the small details.
The little things that make me smile, the things I want to get out of life, now and in the future.

So, I decided to make a list of the things that I want, and the things I hope for.
Its not an organized list. Nor, is it a list that an english teacher will ever get a hold of,
because its My list. A list I create, I can add to it, I can cross things off.
It can be sloppy or numbered.
Any way, Its my list.

I want to pack my bags, get in my car, and drive. I don't want to have a destination, or a care in the world. I just want to go. I want to see the small book shops, and old, weathered men sitting on the side of the road. I want to drive through the greenest trees into the most humid seasides. I want to see the sunflowers, let the wind tangle my hair and not worry how it looks when I've arrived. I want to listen to music the whole way. Screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs. I want to see the world, and hold it in my hands, I want to discover the feelings Ive never felt and relive the most perfect moments Ive lived in. I want to smile as the sun rises, and the sunshine warms my face. I want to hold a tiny baby, one that has never been loved like I could love it. I want love that little baby like its own never could. I want to serve the sick and those who don't have what Ive been blessed with. I want to work and sweat and build a home for someone who doesn't have one. I want to read to an elderly woman, take her back to her days when she stood in the road and twirled in circles, when she used to buy sodas for a nickel. I want to lay on the beach of a beautiful place, sift the sand through my fingers. I want to ride a horse on the shore and watch as the waves crash around me. I want to sit in a tree, and carve my name next to someones, with a heart. Just like in the movies. I want to smell the gasoline and hear the brapt of the dunes, feel the cool air all around me as I hold tight. I want to make blueberry pancakes for my kids in the morning, and teach them to sing in the afternoon, even though I dont know how. I want to build a fort and pretend we live in an enchanted land where we ride horses and save the helpless. I want to wake to the bed bouncing and my kids all around me. I want to feel my heart race and my stomach fill with butterflies, I want to smile knowing I've gotten as far as the Lord wants to lead me. I want to fill my home with the spirit and with learning. I want to grow old , and sit on a rocking chair at the end of a summer night, cold lemonade in my hand and talk of the days we were young and wild. I want to kiss my tiny baby, study its features and marvel at the miracle that I created it. I want to sing songs all day long, and pick wild flowers in a field. I want to work hard everyday, knowing I get to comfort and reassure the sick. I want to be someones miracle. I want to make someone smile, who never does. I want to lift up the people that surround me and inspire others to be better. I want to be better, I want act better and I want to help other be better. I want to give away this Love that I have in my heart to so many people. I want to use this spirit that I have for all that it was meant to be used for. I want to bring other unto this Gospel.
I want others to know the Peace and Comfort that I feel when I know I have the Lord in my life.
The peace that I feel when I know that if Ive made a mistake I can pray to my father in heaven and ask him for forgiveness. I want others to feel this feeling that I have. When I can go to sleep at night, and know that I will be protected from the dangers of the world, because the Savior loves me.

As I watched A walk to remember, I felt a small flame of Hope burn inside me, that one day I would be able to do some many of these things, and so much more.
Because the Lord has bigger plans, than I have for myself.

And I want to be on that plan, I want to live so that I can see where that takes me. I dont want to take this life for granted just because I know there is a life after this. I want to fulfill all that I need to here and now, in this life, so that when I go to the next, Im ready.

I want my family, and my friends to know that I love them.
That they mean the world to me, and not only that, but they mean Forever.
I want them to know that I want to see them in the life hereafter, smiling because they have found the peace that living this life right will have brought them.
I want them to know that I believe they deserve the world, they deserve happiness and peace. And I hope they find it. I know they will.

I'll be back to add more, or, perhaps Ill just write another post. Infact, that sounds about right. Considering how much I love to type. Obviously.

Take the time to write down the small and simple things you want to do, and one by one.
Do them.
Its good for the soul.

Love, Bree

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