Monday, November 15, 2010


Its better say the word profanities than to actually say them.
Which is what i'd like to do now.

I wish I could say this post was going to be a good one
but because its 2am and Im not in a mood to care
It wont be

I just want to scream. LOUD.
So loud that someone can hear me, and will come running.

You know the feeling. Im sure.
and if you dont, you are one lucky soul.

theres a feeling of sadness
and a pang of pain in my heart.
The kind that when you cry, Actually hurts.
Like heartbreak.

for a long time i didnt think that was real.
but I know it is.

its something we all feel.
like when you decide to go to a dance party wiht friends and end up following a car
FULL of your friends
while you drive behind, in your own car. EMPTY.

yes, that did happen. and what i felt was pure sadness.
when does it become MY turn to have someone who truly honestly sincerely genuinly loves me for who I AM.
when is it my turn to run into someone who wants so bad to be in MY company because
im interesting, or funny.
At this point, i guess ill just assume i have no substance and am not worth a thing.

im ready to run. my feet are buried and planted in this ground, but my body wants so bad to move.
when will i be able to fly, to move to just GO.
far away from this place and all of these people.
no matter how sincere and real i am, no matter how much i love my friends
im not feeling back, when i try to give
i just want to be in a place where i can free myself from these chains and find peace.
where can i go
what can i do
i think its my turn to be helped.....its my turn to find someone who needs a project
because right now
im a lost cause.


anyone need a project, you might receive blessings for this one....


Rachael and Jeff Downs said...

You're not worthless. Not even in the smallest degree...friends come and go, but always remember you have your family and your Heavenly Father who love you most.

Melissa said...

BREE! You are NOT worthless. I'm sad you're feeling so down. I would love to have you as a "project!" Move up to Utah! HA! You are of INFINITE worth! Just ask Heavenly Father - He'll tell you. Hope you feel happy soon. Seriously - come visit us!