CHANDLER

Exausted....

2011-09-11T21:54:00.000-07:00

I am exausted.

And to make matters worse.....crazy cant describe my life.

Its a bit...Messy.

However...Amid the crazy, out of control, disappointing and very hard life we all live....some things make me feel like it will all be okay. Sooner than later.

Yesterday I left work around 6:30pm. As I left, the air was moist and cool. Something that doesnt happen in Arizona often. The sky was an array of colors and the wind was swirling around like the left over clumps of chocolate powder in your milk. I pulled out onto Schnef Road and looked at the incredible beauty around me. Farm land stretching for miles...green rows of something I couldnt name. Seemingly small homes dotted the land and the smell of freshly wetted hay filled the air. A smell I miss from the ranch in New Mexico.

I looked about, and was so humbled at the beauty I could enjoy, even if my life seemed to ugly. The sky was filled with rain clouds, but what stood out, was the sun. It was an unspeakably beautiful color. The orange was deep, and sweet. Burnt almost....Slowly falling to the edge of the earth it got darker and richer. I wanted to grab that big ,round ... amazing thing and take a bite out of it. I was sure it must be ripe and juicy. Nothing that would disappoint this perfect place I was in. As I drove west on Combs road, I marveled at the perfect painting in front of me. As the sky got darker, the air around me was saturated with pinks and oranges and dark grays. A color pallete you wouldnt believe. In the sky directly in front of me, There was a dark, smeared cloud of gray and black. The kind you see when it is raining in a far off place. The lightning filled the spot near it. One big gaping hole was filled with the most perfect and bright blue Id ever seen. And farther off north there was another perfectly placed hole filled with a color I wish I could capture with paint. It was a pinkish hue, unmistakably the most pretty shade Id ever beheld. A small touch of orange graced the edges of the hole. It looked like something you would see in Heaven, matter of fact, I am certain that It was a window into what must have been a meadow in Heaven, filled with flowers in hues of color I could only dream of.

The sky was like a painting that I can only hope I could recreate. Of course I would never think I could paint something as perfect as my Father in Heaven...But He did create me. And I hope I could try and imagine what he might have thought up when he painted that sky for me.

The lightning lit up the darkest parts of the sky...Much like the truth in all things lightens up the darkness in our lives. It pierced my eyes and my soul. I felt like the power that radiated from it was straight from Heaven. Small and short lasting pieces of the power and purity and goodness that is waiting for me in the Life hereafter. I can only hope....I couldnt grip my reality quick enough. I was swept away by the view. I was amazed at what I felt. The peace and understanding that I felt. I kept recieving small pieces of clarity and it felt so wonderful. I drove as the cool, wet air wound and whipped through my windows. My hair became tangled into chunks and I wanted to close my eyes and feel the cold, perfect rain drops on my skin. I thought how perfect it would be to stand in those fields and just breathe the perfectness around me. Let the cold drops hit my skin.

I dream alot these days. I feel so much hope in dreaming.

I know we were blessed with dreams so we could see what beautiful places we could go, the amazing things we could accomplish. Its the Lords way of helping us keep our hopes alive in a world he knew would feel dark and suffocating. Dreams free us from those days we feel our chest tighten, and our heart rates rise. They free us from the feelings we cant control, the tears we cant hold back, the disappointments we cant help and the darkness we can only make so light.

I am so humbled that I can see, and feel and be in this beautiful place. That I am able to take it in and let it be a place of goodness and Hope. I dont believe for a second that Life cant be beautiful and perfect...not matter how far from that it seems.

A Quotist.

2011-01-28T08:25:00.000-08:00

" Positivity is the root of all Possibility, Dig it up."

-Me

Yep...

I think I like it.

Last night, I was up, Feeling rather inspired.

This quote was the only thing that popped into my head.

I dont need a "like" button for this one.

I already Love it.

Happy Friday!

The News

2011-01-19T20:34:00.000-08:00

I'm Moving.

To....dun dun dun...

Taylor, Arizona.

I am so excited.

I am ready for a big change. New job. New faces.

New challenges.

and

A new Me.

It's about time I get goin' with my Life and my Self betterment.

Ive recently applied for jobs at the hospital in Show Low and hope I get one!

But, I also have a job being a Nanny for the Perkins.

I am SO EXCITED.

Cash and Stetson are my little dudes I'll be watching and Its going to be amazing.

Its something I am ready for. This is going to be UNREAL.

Its the part of my life when things start happening.

I got invited by one of my favorites to Ireland in October and Im going to start saving my Pennies.

And you know what else, I want to go to Hawaii.

So, Taylor, Here I come.

Its time to start workin, and savin and moving FORWARD.

No more looking back!

I will miss so many people.

I love you all so much.

But there are a few special people who never left my side.

My Family. I love them with ALL of me. And I am so grateful for them.

Kelli, I love you sister.

Mama , Beccabear and Drew Holleran. You guys have been such HUGE blessings to me. I love you guys!

And gosh, if i could list them all out. EACH and EVERY single one of my friends and family.

I love you guys. ALOT.

Dont ever give up on yourselves. Love yourself enough to give yourself what you need.

(and want)

I love you guys! Cross you fingers for me! Im on a HUGE MISSION and IM NOT STOPPING HERE!!!!!

Love, Breeee

Life's Lesson,Never Learned.

2011-01-11T11:13:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder how I can move so far backward, Its like I never moved forward.

I wonder why I make decisions or put myself in situations that Ive been in

and theres no good that come from it.

I'm sick of who Ive become, where Im at in my life, and where Im Not.

I want to stop feeling like I have to rely on someone to be happy.

I have discovered a few things about myself.

Its mostly phsycological.

Ever since Ive been divorced, I had this overwhelming need to confirm I can handle SOMETHING.

At any point, I just wanted to feel as though I wouldnt fail at everything I did.

You see, It all started with the realization that I failed at marriage and being a good wife.

Then it became much bigger, soon enough, I felt as though id fail at everything I would ever do.

So, in some sort of failed attempt to regain my own self worth, I began trying extra hard in everything I did.

Sometimes, I tried too hard.

I would begin to try and take care of everyone I met.

Like a mother would do.

I felt the need to make others happy so I could drown out my own needs and feelings.

I would overwhelm the people in my life.

And from there, I began thinking to much. Worried I would never be good enough for anyone.

No matter how well I could care for someone, I feared I could never make another person happy.

Im afraid ive gone off the deep end, and become to reliant on the acceptance of others that Ive forgetten to figure out who I am.

I know who I am, I think.

But I doubt that often because Im in a state of confusion.

I constantly wonder if Ill ever succeed.

If ill ever really be happy.

If ill ever be able to make somone truly happy.

If I will ever feel Normal.

Ive pushed away everyone I know.

I start liking someone and feel like I want to really be good at that relationship, and scare them away.

I thought I was just loyal.

But I guess I smother people.

I dont know why I feel the need to try so hard. But I do. Im passionate about what I do. All the time.

I havent seen the movie Eat Pray Love yet, but I have a feeling Im like Julia Roberts character.

I need to remove myself from this familiar setting and start thinking about my health, mentally.

Physically.
Spiritually.

I need to learn to rely on myself , and myself alone.

I need to learn to be okay when Im alone.

So that when the day comes I have become reliant on myself.

Maybe then, I cant look for someone else to rely on.

And then, they can comfortably rely, on me.

Time will tell.

Until then, Im goin to try and be okay with the fact that once again, Ive failed.

Ill accept it for what it is, and start focusing on my life.

Hopefully.

Worried Sick

2010-11-18T22:22:00.001-08:00

It all Started with my Mom getting sick this week.

No big deal, just the flu.

She was in bed, getting rest. And I decided to go hang out with my friends.

We go out to the desert for fourwheeling often.

I have kinda had my fair share as of late, and so had my friend Kj.

So, him and I decided to go longboarding instead.

The plan:

Meet the Crew at Native New Yorker for Wings.

Meet back at Jayrods house to depart for the desert.

So, we did that much.

As far as I knew, the plan was still that Kj and I would not be going to the desert,

and instead be going longboarding.

Well, as everyone prepared and hung out for the desert, Kj and Spencer said

"we will be back!"

and left.

So, I figured they went to get some energy drinks.

About twenty minutes later, the crew was ready to leave. No kj or spencer.

So I text Kj.

No response.

As far as I know, Im not going, thinking the plan was still on.

So, I stayed.

Suddenly it was completely silent. Not a soul in sight. But me.

I text Kj again.

Still, Nothing.

After 30 Minutes I figure something came up.

Icecream it is.

Yes, I went to sonic by myself and got icecream.

Then I went to Kelli and Richies and ate it.

But by this time, I've heard nothing.

I'm a little upset, but mostly worried.

Well, as you can guess, its now 11:30pm and I've still heard not a sound.

They could be hurt or just hanging out with other friends.

But

I have NO idea what it could be.

Because once again I'm left hanging onto nothing but my thoughts.

Which are getting too carried away.

My thoughts have swayed in and out of

"i must be really boring, and totally lame"

"they could have gotten in an accident and here I am worried about me"

Its terrifying not knowing if your loved ones are okay.

To top it off....My mom is now in the E.R.

5 Spinal Taps later, and she is being tested for Meningitis.

The results wont be in for at least an hour, and even then, we have no idea what the plan is.

So, Here I am. Worried SICK.

Praying my Mom is okay and that my friends are safe.

It seems as though i've become the person with a huge lack in information.

So, if you have questions, Don't ask me.

I pray that everyone is okay.

I pray that at some point in this life, I'll figure out if Im worth the time and energy

to even tell whats going on.

Because at this point...nothings in my favor.

PLEASE, Spare me.

Keep them all in your prayers! Im sure everything is okay, and that there will be a peaceful end, but just for now, Ill be worried.

Profanities

2010-11-15T00:56:00.002-08:00

Its better say the word profanities than to actually say them.

Which is what i'd like to do now.

I wish I could say this post was going to be a good one

but because its 2am and Im not in a mood to care

It wont be

I just want to scream. LOUD.

So loud that someone can hear me, and will come running.

You know the feeling. Im sure.

and if you dont, you are one lucky soul.

theres a feeling of sadness

and a pang of pain in my heart.

The kind that when you cry, Actually hurts.

Like heartbreak.

for a long time i didnt think that was real.

but I know it is.

its something we all feel.

like when you decide to go to a dance party wiht friends and end up following a car

FULL of your friends

while you drive behind, in your own car. EMPTY.

yes, that did happen. and what i felt was pure sadness.

when does it become MY turn to have someone who truly honestly sincerely genuinly loves me for who I AM.

when is it my turn to run into someone who wants so bad to be in MY company because

im interesting, or funny.

At this point, i guess ill just assume i have no substance and am not worth a thing.

im ready to run. my feet are buried and planted in this ground, but my body wants so bad to move.

when will i be able to fly, to move to just GO.

far away from this place and all of these people.

no matter how sincere and real i am, no matter how much i love my friends

im not feeling back, when i try to give

i just want to be in a place where i can free myself from these chains and find peace.

where can i go

what can i do

i think its my turn to be helped.....its my turn to find someone who needs a project

because right now

im a lost cause.

worthless.

anyone need a project, you might receive blessings for this one....

Remember that one Post?

2010-10-27T18:22:00.000-07:00

Ya, the one where I go on and on about how "its a feat"

Well, I am here to calm your every worry

(because I know you've all been wondering)

I am still working towards my goal.

Its been tough, and I did, admitadly take a small break

so I could go to school.

Yes, I went to school....Some people wouldnt put it in that category

but I do.

I went to Pima Medical Intstitute to be a CNA

(certified nursing assistant)

It was a 5 weeks program in which I am proud to say, I got a 4.0

I'm pretty sure anyone could do it, but I didn't think I could swing it.

Well I did. And now, I get the pleasure of looking for a Job!

I am keeping my eyes peeled for a job at a hospital, hopefully in Pediatrics.

But Im assuming that wont fly.

So, as for now, I am jobless and schooless.

Its no fun, I hate feeling lazy and unaccomplished.

Besides that I am tryin' to get myself spiritually and physically fit.

This is the point in life where I get a little discouraged and have WAY too much time to think.

Thinking is okay though, right?

Anyway, back to my original topic

(im easily strayed, obviously)

I have yet to get back to the gym, not because I am lazy, but because i put my

account on hold until i have a job.

i believe the term is "living within my means"

My means dont exactly wanna pay for gym and gas and groceries

and blah blah blah...So...that it is.

I shall be patient.

Go walk outside, since the weather is so amazing.

breathe some fresh air

ride a bike

get out of this house...

It will be nice...except as I speak, I hear someon rustling outside my window.

Creepy...Yes.

Anyway...I guess this is my update for now...But soon enough ill be back with a whole wonderful

post about my accomplishments in the past few months.

Until then, if anyone wants to play...

Im around!

Have a wonderful WONDERFUL Halloween weekend!!

Love, Bree

It's about time

2010-10-01T23:09:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking.

And as you all know, Thats when I blog.

Oh Joy.

Well, As of today, I'm done with the class part of my CNA Program.

It's so exciting. First, because I have a 4.0

And if you know me, I'm not so bright. I don't get 4.0's

But

I have one.

Next week we will go to the a nursing home for clinicals.

I'm a little nervous, but I love old people and I am excited to get the hands on experience.

On another note.

After next week, I will be jobless and scheduless.

This is exciting for me.

First, because Tuff is in town. I get to go on some fun adventures with him!

Second, because I get to find the perfect place for me to be.

Part of me wants to move away, and the other wants to stay.

But mostly, I want to move.

I kinda feel like I need to do what the character in the movie

Eat Pray Love

does.

Just, go away.

Id love to find myself in a foreign place. Left with nothing but myself, my thoughts and a peace I cant find in a familiar place.

I believe that I find peace in an unfamiliar place.

I am left with my clear thoughts.

Nothing surrounding me that is familiar.

I can focus on the peace that surrounds me.

Another reason I want to go...

I don't seem to have many Good friends.

The kind that call you daily just to laugh with you and check on you.

The ones who spend a day doing spontaneous things.

Friends who WANT to hang out with me

Ones that like me for what I am and what Ive been through in my life.

I know I am a good person, with alot of love and excitement for life.

I just want to have fun, go on trips, relax, laugh.

I am not complicated.

But I think everyone I know, may think I am.

I just want to meet people who want good relationships, ones that will Last.

I don't want to be the kind of person who just has alot of friends and goes out to alot of parties.

Thats not me.

I love to be with people I love and who I can be a good friend too.

I never really liked those awkward greetings with people I kinda knew.

I always loved being a good friend.

Anyway, Its really just me ranting and raving about nonsense.

You know, the usual.

But, its okay.

Im not too worried, things will work out.

Soon enough ill have the people around me who matter most

besides my amazing family.

Either way...

If you like to have fun, chill, laugh, talk, listen to music, stare at the fan, throw chonies at the fan, make pbjs at 2am, take random trips to the mountains, sleep, eat, chair dance, go to the mud bogs, camp, get excited over camp fires and fuel...

just to name a few...

Please

Inquire Here.

Love, Bree

My List

2010-09-05T19:31:00.000-07:00

Tonight I watched A Walk to Remember.

Those of you how have seen it, know that this movie is Sad.

But even when I knew the ending, I could still smile throughout the whole movie.

It made me Hope for Love and Life.

It made me realize that I haven't ever sat down and thought about those small

and simple things that I want to do in life.

Of course I've done those lists of the "5 years from now, 10 years from now"

but I was always so vague. I just wanted to list the basic goals and be done.

But I've never sat and thought about the small details.

The little things that make me smile, the things I want to get out of life, now and in the future.

So, I decided to make a list of the things that I want, and the things I hope for.

Its not an organized list. Nor, is it a list that an english teacher will ever get a hold of,

because its My list. A list I create, I can add to it, I can cross things off.

It can be sloppy or numbered.

Any way, Its my list.

I want to pack my bags, get in my car, and drive. I don't want to have a destination, or a care in the world. I just want to go. I want to see the small book shops, and old, weathered men sitting on the side of the road. I want to drive through the greenest trees into the most humid seasides. I want to see the sunflowers, let the wind tangle my hair and not worry how it looks when I've arrived. I want to listen to music the whole way. Screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs. I want to see the world, and hold it in my hands, I want to discover the feelings Ive never felt and relive the most perfect moments Ive lived in. I want to smile as the sun rises, and the sunshine warms my face. I want to hold a tiny baby, one that has never been loved like I could love it. I want love that little baby like its own never could. I want to serve the sick and those who don't have what Ive been blessed with. I want to work and sweat and build a home for someone who doesn't have one. I want to read to an elderly woman, take her back to her days when she stood in the road and twirled in circles, when she used to buy sodas for a nickel. I want to lay on the beach of a beautiful place, sift the sand through my fingers. I want to ride a horse on the shore and watch as the waves crash around me. I want to sit in a tree, and carve my name next to someones, with a heart. Just like in the movies. I want to smell the gasoline and hear the brapt of the dunes, feel the cool air all around me as I hold tight. I want to make blueberry pancakes for my kids in the morning, and teach them to sing in the afternoon, even though I dont know how. I want to build a fort and pretend we live in an enchanted land where we ride horses and save the helpless. I want to wake to the bed bouncing and my kids all around me. I want to feel my heart race and my stomach fill with butterflies, I want to smile knowing I've gotten as far as the Lord wants to lead me. I want to fill my home with the spirit and with learning. I want to grow old , and sit on a rocking chair at the end of a summer night, cold lemonade in my hand and talk of the days we were young and wild. I want to kiss my tiny baby, study its features and marvel at the miracle that I created it. I want to sing songs all day long, and pick wild flowers in a field. I want to work hard everyday, knowing I get to comfort and reassure the sick. I want to be someones miracle. I want to make someone smile, who never does. I want to lift up the people that surround me and inspire others to be better. I want to be better, I want act better and I want to help other be better. I want to give away this Love that I have in my heart to so many people. I want to use this spirit that I have for all that it was meant to be used for. I want to bring other unto this Gospel.

I want others to know the Peace and Comfort that I feel when I know I have the Lord in my life.

The peace that I feel when I know that if Ive made a mistake I can pray to my father in heaven and ask him for forgiveness. I want others to feel this feeling that I have. When I can go to sleep at night, and know that I will be protected from the dangers of the world, because the Savior loves me.

As I watched A walk to remember, I felt a small flame of Hope burn inside me, that one day I would be able to do some many of these things, and so much more.

Because the Lord has bigger plans, than I have for myself.

And I want to be on that plan, I want to live so that I can see where that takes me. I dont want to take this life for granted just because I know there is a life after this. I want to fulfill all that I need to here and now, in this life, so that when I go to the next, Im ready.

I want my family, and my friends to know that I love them.

That they mean the world to me, and not only that, but they mean Forever.

I want them to know that I want to see them in the life hereafter, smiling because they have found the peace that living this life right will have brought them.

I want them to know that I believe they deserve the world, they deserve happiness and peace. And I hope they find it. I know they will.

I'll be back to add more, or, perhaps Ill just write another post. Infact, that sounds about right. Considering how much I love to type. Obviously.

Take the time to write down the small and simple things you want to do, and one by one.

Do them.

Its good for the soul.

Love, Bree

Courage

2010-08-26T23:41:00.000-07:00

Alma 53:20-22

And they were all young men and they were exceedingly valiant for

courage, and also for strength and activity; but behold, this was not all-

they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted.

Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him.

And now it came to pass that Helaman did march at the head of his two thousand stripling soldiers, to the support of the people in the borders of the land on the south by the west sea.

When I read these scriptures last night, I recalled upon two different types of courage, strength, activity and truth in all things.

There are men and woman fighting in horrific battles, risking their lives every moment so that we might have freedom.

There are men and woman who are sacrificing the oppurtunities of life for something greater than they, missionary work.

In verse 20 it says "...they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted."

I want to be this valiant and courageous. I want to be TRUE in all things.

I want the Lord to Entrust me with important battles, and work. I want him to Entrust me with the things of this life and the things of the life to come.

Entrust.

: to confer a trust on; especially : to deliver something in trust to

: to commit to another with confidence

I want the Lord to know He can Trust me. And that He can commit to me in confidence that I can do it. That I will.

I want to stand for strength and activity. I want to do the Lords work in all things. Follow his path, and his will for me.

In turn, I can put my Faith in the Lord, and follow his commandments and entrust him to guide me where He would have me go, where I Know I will be happiest.

I'm grateful for this scripture. For the Men and Woman who fight for my freedom

and for the Men and Woman serving Missions for the

Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Im grateful for their Courage, Valiance and Support.

I want to be as Helaman, and Lead my brothers and sisters to the support of eachother.

I want to support members and non-members of the church.

I want to support family.

I want to support others.

Not because I have to.

But because I want to.

I need to be humble. and Grateful for the blessings in my life.

For all that Ive been given.

I need to be more courageous and valiant and stand for whats Good and Right.

I want to be entrusted with the care and love and support of others.

No matter the circumstance.

Because I can, and because I want to be like my brother Jesus Christ.

I strive to be like him and in being like Him, I am like Helaman.

I am like the men and woman who are serving around the world.

No matter the difference in their service, it is Service.

Thank You to all the Soldiers and Missionaries who are doing all that they can to bring freedom and rightness to those around them. I keep you in my prayers and am humbled and privelaged at all that you do.

Walk Uprightly before the Lord, be true at all times in whatsoever you are entrusted , and the Lord

will Bless you.

Close Call

2010-08-24T16:06:00.000-07:00

As I sit in the Pew Home

watching Tressa and Hyrum play with transformers and

watch Bedtime Stories

I try to decide what I want to write today.

I recieved a Phone call just now

with word that my Dad has been in an accident

My mom says he is okay, But he hit his chest pretty hard.

As I type, They are with a doctor.

I don't know any more than that.

But one thing I know is that I am completely humbled.

I am afraid for my Dads safety and Health.

But

more importantly I knew that to find comfort in this scary time

I needed to pray.

I took myself to a bedroom and knelt humbly before the Lord

asking him for safety upon the rest of my family and

To watch over my dad and allow him to be okay.

As I prayed I knew all would be well.

I know that through faithfulness to the Lord and constant Prayer

with an open heart and contrite spirit that my family and loved ones will always be kept safe.

From the wiles of Satan, and the Dangers of the world.

I know that in this scare, I have realized the importance of Eternal Families.

It opened my eyes to the importance of showing my family all the Love that I feel for them.

It helped me realized that we are so blessed to have families here on this earth with us.

We are blessed to have eachother.

I cannot tell of the gratitude that fills my heart that my Dad is okay.

I am so grateful for him. I know he Loves me.

He sacrifices SO much everyday for me, and my family.

I know he loves me and supports me.

He is humble, kind, loving and Im so grateful for these things

and the things he does for me everyday. And for the example he sets.

I love my dad. I love my Father in Heaven for blessing me with such and amazing person in my life.

Im grateful for the assurance that in all trials, I can turn to the Lord, and I can always ask him for safety upon my friends and loved ones.

Be aware of those around you, Love them. Show your unconditional love for them.

Don't ever hold back and Never ever let your Pride get in the way.

It is more important to tell them you love them Now, than wish that you had done it later.

There are certain people in our lives for a reason. Never let those people go.

Hold onto them.

Hold onto your Hope and Faith that they will always be kept safe.

The Here and Now

2010-08-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

The soft, cool air drifting gently through the windows of my car.

A quiet peace sat near as I lie in my seat. My hair removed neatly from my neck and placed on my shoulder. Single strands brushed against my face as I listen to the sound of the musty monsoon season drifting nearer. I lie with my eyes closed. One arm stretched atop my head and the other neatly place on the headrest. I feel comfortable. Peaceful. Quiet. The earth rotating around me.Yet I sit here, content. No movement beyond the time, as it slowly floats by. I don't notice the time. I don't feel the moments pass. I feel myself being in the moment. I am aware of each small sound. Crickets chirping their innocent sounds, the blades of what grass there is, were scratching against eachother. The lights buzzed softly with moths and tiny insects that only knew this moment and the light that surrounded them. I noticed the calm, quiet, steady breathing next to me. I listened intently to the perfect pace. My heart filled with gratitude for these blessings that are the moments I am in.

A peace so good, and right. No, these moments are not passing by. Like the tiny fluffs of summer that drift through the air and make me sneeze. I am taking them in. I know this moment. I feel this moment and I will always be able to reach inside and find those sweet increments of time

and relive them. Because I do not let these go by. I enjoy them.

I breathe in them.

I sing in them.

I laugh.

I listen.

I wonder.

I stop

and I feel.

I create.

I understand.

I am.

For in time,there will be a moment that will dance quickly by and never be endured or lived in.

But for those, we grasp these moments we do live in. And we remember.

The here and now.

Forever.

Dear Me

2010-08-12T21:32:00.000-07:00

You've been going all day.

Although this is good...

You realize its alot better than just sitting in bed

waiting for the time to pass.

You really shouldn't think so much

but, well, thats you.

The little girl in the living room will sleep fine

and so will you.

But mostly

You should stop worrying about the things to come.

Like they say

theres a reason they call this the Present.

Because its a Gift.

Yes, It is.

But how will you Sleep when you're mind is cranking

at 100 miles a minute?

You will probably have to take a nice, relaxing hot shower.

Then, turn on some good, calm music and write a letter or two.

Then, in no time, you will be holding your eyelids open.

It's that simple.

Now, Get goin.

P.S. It's only a matter of time.

Love, You.

Should I, or Shouldn't I? Thats the Question.

2010-08-12T00:11:00.000-07:00

2008

OLD....Chipmunk Cheeks and Crazy Hair....

Prom: 2005

OLD...

I don't know what to say. These pictures are...

Fabulous.

Not.

I'll Just be honest...

I want your Honest Opinion.

I think my hair needs a break from Blonde. Its been blonde for a year and a half.

Its bored, Im bored.

So, Im considering Dark, With bangs.

I just don't know.

In the end, I'll do what I decide last minute

sitting in that chair

But

either way, these white trash roots I have now, need to go!

Ha!

So, come one, come all.

Voice your opinions....but be gentle

Brown?

Eh?

One Of the Best days Ever.

2010-08-09T19:31:00.001-07:00

All I can say is...

I've haven't FELT this happy...In awhile.

I haven't SMILED this much in ages.

I haven't had this feeling is so long.

And

I LOVE IT.

I Know Things work out for a reason.

I KNOW Heavenly Father will make paths for us.

I know that He loves me, Because even when I stray

even when I make a dumb choice

He still guides me.

He guides me because he wants me to know

He still loves me

and wants me to grow closer to Him.

I have seen so many countless Blessings in my life recently

Its hard to hold back the gratitude I have for my Father in Heaven.

He KNOWS me.

He LOVES me.

And because I know these things

It helps my testimony grow that I will be Happiest where he guides me.

I know fully, that if I am willing to sacrifice the little insignificant things I want NOW

and Do all that I can to grow closer to him...

The end result will be my COMPLETE happiness.

Inside. and Out.

I am SO happy today.

Even my mom noticed.

She said she hasn't seen me this happy in a long time.

And its because I have had some major changes

and some MAJOR closure.

and some MAJOR excitement.

One day, you will possibly know what Im speaking of.

But for now

Its a secret.

I Grand Secret.

A secret so wonderful

delightful

happy

funny

peaceful

right

good

and

REAL

that it will make even the toughest Smile.

Yes. One day I will write of Wonderful things.

But for now....

I just smile.

Because I know...All things work out in mysterious ways..

And I know its because thats how the Lord works.

And that my friends

Works for Me.

Losing It

2010-08-04T19:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I think I've already lost It.

Sometimes, I wish I would.

Then I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

I am sitting at home, all alone in my big bed.

Eating grilled chicken and listening to FM Static.

The song is called "Take me as I am"

Perfect.

Is it so wrong that I hate being alone?

I don't want to spend my time thinking about myself

Worrying about little things that never matter

or ever will.

I hate the feeling that at any moment I could think something I dont want to.

Don't get me wrong.

I am so comfortable just relaxing.

I am okay when I can be quiet and Peaceful.

My life isn't so hectic and insane that when I get the chance to breathe

I don't.

Because I do.

But I know I have to ability to make it so much better

with someone by my side.

I will never be

and I am not the type

who wants to be alone.

I want to love someone

Take care of them.

Give them all that I have, and Fight to give them even more than that.

I want to feel peaceful knowing I can give all I have to offer

to someone who wants it.

I know.

Some may say Im in too much of a hurry.

But I'm not.

I just know when I am happiest.

When I can fully give all I have to someone.

Sue me.

But don't really....I don't have anything to give

But Love.

So if you wanna, you can sew me for that.

I just know one thing

God made me this way for a reason

I'd rather spend all my time serving and doting on someone else

because when I'm alone

all I do is think think think

and it never gets me anywhere but

down.

So for now, I'll settle with my chicken and Hunger Games.

Ill listen to music.

Make my bed.

Do the 3 dishes in the sink

and clean out the fridge.

But

I know sooner than later

I'll just wanna say goodnight to someone.

And love them.

One things for sure...

When that day comes...

I will have plenty of love to give and It wont ever go away.

And I am okay with that.

I may be losin' my mind but I still got my Heart.

(P.S. I loooove you guys!)

I Went, And I'm Glad I did.

2010-08-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

I went to Lake Powell.

Met my new friend Cason...

Spent alot of quality time with Rhetlee....

Loved watching Squishy Be Cute...

Decided Buddha would be a Heartbreaker when he grows up...

Took tons of Pictures ...

And Had a Blast. I don't even know where to begin.

It was an amazing trip. With Amazing people. I feel in love with the Olsen

and Ashby Families and Decided My new obsession is The Lake.

(2nd in line to The Dunes)

Duh.

But Im am glad I decided to go, and put aside my fears of looking ugly all week,

Matter of fact, I didnt even think about it.

I was having too much fun.

I realized Life is too Short.

We have got to love who we are and just Live Life.

Gahh, I Love Lake Powell.

I love being Sunkissed.

I love feeling like Butterflies live in my stomach.

I love My cousin Shaunie and her Hubs Ramsey.

I love Utah.

I Love Love Love LOVE!

I Am Grateful For: My Brother Coby

2010-07-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

That's Us.

And this is my Older Brother Coby Duane.

He is one of my Favorite people, and Best Friends.

Granted, He has a girlfriend (who I also Love) and we have Busy Lives

I think of him as a Best friend

because we are so much alike.

We Have the same humor and have habit of talkin crazy with eachother

Which always gets the rest of the Family laughing.

I love my Bro. He is seriously one of the Funniest people Ive ever met.

He's tough, and he is super Cool

(I guess it runs in the family ... haha)

Coby is also very different than I am.

He owns a Zoo in his room... Practically. I wouldnt mind an animal or two

But Not a ZOO in my ROOM!

Okay, only if there were a Monkey.

I just wanted to say how neat he is.

He's super smart

WAY fun to go out fourwheelin with

and He supports me. He is always there for me

and I love him!

Im so glad he's my brother because some of my best memories and laughs

were with him!

Love you Cobus!

I Am Grateful For: My Brother Cade

2010-07-20T22:14:00.000-07:00

Some days, I think I'd like to grab him by the ear and lug him to the garage.

But, Most days, I am Grateful for this Guy.

He's Hilarious.

He's So Smart.

And he's a Cutie Patootie!

I know he will accomplish amazing things in his life.

He has such a neat personality. Although SO different from the rest of us kids

He is different in amazing Ways. He's So totally cool.

I Love it when he has something funny to say

Admittedly, Sometimes I don't laugh even if I think its Hilarious.

Because Im too caught up in my own selfish thoughts

I dont pay attention to him

But I want to

And Im going to

Because He's AWESOME!

Its kinda like he just....Knows what to say.

He has a great imagination, and still acts like a kid. Like me.

We are so much more alike than sometime I like to admit.

I mean, He IS my little brother. Im supposed to give him

Tough Love , Right?

Anyway, I just hope that Kid knows How cool he is.

I think of him and my coolest little brother.

And

I think of him as my Friend.

Even if I dont act like it.

I know he will do great things

and I Know he's my brother for a reason.

I love this Kid!!

Paranoid

2010-07-20T11:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I got invited to the Lake.

Lake Powell.

Am I excited? Of course.

But I am Paranoid.

I am not down 20lbs yet and I look awful in a Swimsuit.

I am so super embarrassed.

I don't know If I can make myself go.

Besides that I do not have natural wave or curl to my hair

and its flat as a board.

I will be on the beach, camping and swimming

for a whole week.

One Whole Week.

That means, No makeup.

Swimsuit all day and night.

No shower.

And lets not mention, that if I cant shave, Ill have hairy legs.

Gross.

I have almost made up my mind.

Some of us just don't have natural beauty

feel like we can look pretty just being Us.

Well thats Me.

I feel intimidated and Highly nervous.

What in the world!

Iwork out every day and am Trying to get myself in shape

But thats not good enough until I see results.

Sooooo What to do?

I just Do Not know.

Gaahhhhhhhh

It's a Feat

2010-06-22T19:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends

I am going to start off by saying that sometimes there are things we just have to do

And in my time back home I have realized a list of things that I am in need of

1. A better Patience and Understanding for the Lord's Plan for me

2. A better spiritual well being.

3. A better attitude

4. A better way to relieve stress than by eating and sleeping

5. A healthier diet

6. An all around life Change.

Yes. I have decided, just as everyone does at some point in life

To Change.

I hadn't really dwelled on the life I had been living until I realized I wasn't Happy.

I went running one day and realized I could hardly run for a half of a mile.

I ate when I was upset.

I Sat around alot, feeling like I wasn't able to do much else.

And one day it hit me, that I could never be happy this way.

I don't do well with text book living, or monotonous schedules.

I do well with change and excitement.

So, seeing as how I have a very monotonous schedule with a very exciting girl

and not alot of ease when it comes to eating right or getting in my workout

I decided to take it into my own hands.

I went out on a limb and I got myself a gym membership

and a Personal Trainer.

Most people will argue that I could do it all on my own if really wanted to.

That its a waste of my money.

Here's what I have to say to those people.

I do well with challenges and I realized that for myself to lose the weight I need to

To Be Healthy

and to get in shape

I needed to do this for Myself. Its not for anyone but Me.

When I realized I couldn't hardly walk without my chest hurting me and my ankles

throbbing

I realized My life was more important.

My health was more important.

So, about a week ago, I start a new schedule.

8am-4pm Work

6pm Mon-Tue-Thurs-Fri Personal Training

Its not perfect, and yes theres alot of down time

But because I am actually being active

and Motivating myself to be better

It's working.

I can feel a difference in my walk.

In my spirit.

In my Life.

And thats what its all about.

Its not about the looks I get from guys

or the clothes I see on other people, that I want to wear.

Its not about sitting down and not seeing a roll on my stomach

or the way I look in my swimsuit.

None of that matters.

None of that will ever matter.

Because in the end, all that matters is

If I lived my life to the very fullest

and Loved every second.

When I am working out daily

When I take the time to read

or write my thoughts down

When I take the time to Pray, and get some spiritual insight

When I take the time for a Hot bath

and some Good Music

When I can wake up in the morning feeling the tightness in my muscles

though it be little

I can smile and Know that I am healing myself.

I am doing something for myself

So that I can do ALL that I can

For Others.

Its a circle

First, you must care for yourself.

Get yourself to a place of contentment and peacefulness.

Though it may not be perfect, because no life is, it will be Sweet.

Then, After you have brought yourself to that place,

You can Fully care for those around you.

When your focused on the health of your loved ones

it strengthens you even more

You feel more capable and more able.

You feel better, happier, more content.

But in NO way can this happen, Unless you Love yourself First.

So, Friends, I want to include you in my journey to self improvement.

I want to share with you the journey of a girl

who is broken inside, who is at a point in her life who feels like I am not capable of much.

Even just exercising daily.

These simple things have become hard for me

And I want you to be here with me as I Move Forward on my Journey.

I am going to do something that I would never imagine to do before now.

But I want to do this for myself.

This is like my Journal.

So, Here goes Nothin.

I'm Going to post a picture of Me. In my Chonies.

Okay, I lied, Not my Chonies.

A swimsuit.

The wretched Swimsuit.

I'm doing this to follow my own improvement.

I feel like If I share it with you, it will motivate me.

And maybe, If theres anyone out there like me, Who feels so broken inside

and so Uncontent with themselves,

You can do it with me.

I will Make it a goal to post once a month, maybe more

On my progress.

This will help me to force myself to change

because then I'll know that You will be watching.

Maybe no one will be.

But, Because I am ready for this change

and willing to humiliate myself

for my benefit.

I realize these are pretty immodest and kinda gross

But you do what you got to do right!

Well friends

These are just some pictures of me as I am in part in my life

in each picture

where I am struggling to feel good about myself.

Granted, it has NOTHING to do with the people in the pictures with me.

I love each of those people. Its just showing myself

How I am not happy.

So, This is the beginning post

To my journey on Self Improvement.

And I hope you'll be there along the way

Cause when someones telling me to do it, I can!

You are all amazing, each and everyone of you.

And I hope you know that the first step to finding happiness for YOU,

is self acceptance.

And KNOWING that you ARE worth the time

and the effort to moving forward and finding

Peace.

Be safe, and Until Next time.

Much Love

Bree

Long time Coming

2010-05-24T22:14:00.001-07:00

It's been a long time comin'.

This feelin' I've got.
No rains gonna wash it

No Suns gonna bleach it

It's here and I want to run from it.

But

I plant my feet right here where Im at

Where my roots take me back

Im not leavin this place
Till Ive got dirt on my face

and some bone in my back.

Im holding out strong

Im gonna hold on

cause thats what my brother would do

He'd tell me to pray

and walk in his way

He'd tell me to smile

work and serve all the while.

My knees will get shaky

My heart will feel broken

the tears will roll
But Ill continue on my journey

till all things have been spoken.

I will not give up

I will not sit down and cry

Ill stand and make known the warrior I am.

Satan cant take me

Ive got my brother at my side
and with this faith, I wont hide

Its a battle worth fighting

My life is worth living

This spirit is worth strengthening

And I wont give up on myself.

Dear Friends

I feel like I want to share with you a story.

It's about me.

I took a bike ride tonight and wanted to just let the wind hit my face.

Sometimes its just nice to breathe in some fresh air and let all the bad go out.

So I did Just that.

I looked up at the stars and thought:

Heavenly Father, I know what the meaning of life is. I know where Im going and

why Im here. I know this gospel is true, I know its right and good.

I know whats right and whats wrong

I know you created this beautiful place and that Im here for a purpose.

But sometimes I wonder

When Ill get to the place

on this earth

When I am most peaceful.

I know that each day has its struggles. I am not naive

or stupid

Nothing comes easy.

But I also know

That through Faith, comes Hope.

And with faith and hope and alot of determination to fight for my own peacefulness.

My own Happiness.

And Goodness in my life.
I will find it.

And when I get there

It will be Bliss.

Because even then

My Trials and Tribulations

will seem worth the fight.

I know my Father in Heaven gave me this spirit

so I can fight

So I can know what its like to want to give up

and then realize

I am worth the fight.

That peace, that happiness.

Its worth the battle.

And once I win the war

The battles will come easier.

Lately I cry because I feel like I just can't do it.

I just cant go another day feeling like Ive got nothing to live for.

No goals.

But I do have alot to live for.

Ive got a Life to live for.

Family.
Sunrises, sunsets.

Laughing and crying.

Goosebumps.

Smiles.

It all seems worth it in that moment when I feel so happy

I want to cry

And that makes me know

Its worth it now

Even if I want to give up and just sit in bed all day.

"Broad is the gate, and wide the way that leadeth to the deaths; and many there are that go in thereat, because they receive me not..."

I've learned that only through my Faith in my Father in Heaven and in my brother Jesus Christ,

I can direct my own path, according to my Fathers plan for me, and it can be away from that broad gate.

I learned that I will make mistakes

and that through them I am strong.

But Now I know

it is not those mistakes that

Make me.

I make myself from the mistakes.

I do not let them mold me or determine my future.

I make it for myself.

" For straight is the gate, and narrow the way that leadeth unto the exaltation and continuation

of the lives, and few there be that find it..."

I walk on that straight and narrow path

from here until He comes again.

I will fight this war and win.

I will fight the battles and conquer

and when I go to the gates of Heaven and look at my Brother,and my Father in Heaven,

I will Know that in me

is the Truth, the Courage

The light.

All my weaknesses and downfalls

the trials

will have been made strong unto me.

I will be Done with my learning and growing

I will be strong and refined

I will know who I am

and the Fight that I fought.

And then

I will start all over.

" Around here, however,we don't look backwards for long. We keep Moving Forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we're curious...and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."

Keep Moving Forward

I'm Sorry

2010-05-07T03:40:00.000-07:00

Really.

If someone hurts me, offends me, or is rude.

I'll immediatly forgive them.

They don't even have to tell me they are sorry.

But for some reason

I am being hated on as of late.

I do a good deed.

I get punished.

Okay so, I could have done it differently but

that doesnt change that its done.

that is was all done from the kindness of my Heart.

I think sometimes

We get carried away.

Life gets rough and Trials attack us.

Its like your senses are off kilter and we don't know what to do.

We feel violated

confused

frustrated

and angry.

But at any point in these trials

we must remember

Patience

Hope

and Love.

Because if we posses these qualities

Trials will always be much easier

on our

Hearts

our Spirits and our Bodies.

I totally dislike when there is contention in my life.

It just doesn't agree with my Simple way of thinking.

Which is

Forgive and Forget

and I wont regret.

Life is too short to be angry.

Angry enough to dig for more reasons to be angry

too short to be mad at someone whose done no wrong

too short to waste my thinking on angry thoughts.

I want to look back at yesterday, or even 5 years and say

I apologized and I did what I could.

I was kind, I was patient and I handled it well.

I handeled it like My Brother Jesus Christ would have.

I love my friends, I love my Family.

I love them so much, Id do anything for anyone of them.

Even someone I dont know.

What I do know

is that I find more peace with myself

When I can handle a situation with Grace and Patience.

And I also know

That any trial I go through will make me Stronger.

I want to be Courageous.

I want to be Strong.

I want to be Tough.

But I dont want

to be hard headed

arrogant or pompous.

I just want to look at myself and say

It's okay. It's All good.

Life

can get better

so can

My Attitude.

Forgive and Forget Quickly.

Love Intensely.

Live Fully.

I have 2 New Albums

2010-05-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

On Facebook.

I don't like How is takes Blogger

like 5 hours to download my Photos.

As you all know

I went to vegas last weekend.

It is Filthy

But it was still Funnn.

And this weekend I took a random Trip to Six Flags and Redando Beach

with my friend Trent

And It was a Blassstt!

Needless to say, I give you some picture from each Adventure and if you'd

like to see the rest

Search me On Facebook.

Yes, I do have a facebook.

Yes I do.

This is My Lady Bug, His name is Sace.

I wouldn't necissarily say the giant white bear is

A Creeper.

I would say

He Is.

Round One- To Miss Swagger

2010-04-17T13:29:00.000-07:00

Las Vegas, Nevada

I have never laid Foot on the Soil of this Forsaken Place.

But This weekend, Ill be making a Trip, No, A Journey

to the countries

Dirtiest

City.

Dirty Money

Is What we will Be Making.

Its Not just a vacation

or A leisure Trip my Friends

We will be coming back Billionaires.

Millions are for the Birds.

Ive packed my Black Dress, and High Heels.

My Hair is Vegas Blonde.

My nails are done

My legs are tan

and my Teeth are White.

Ive got dice and Ive Swagger.

My Hands are gettin Hot

I feel like throwin down

right Here on The Strip

but I might get Caught.

My fingers grip, The snake eyes Glare

Im layin it All Down on Red

You Will never go There.

Makin my Billions

My Swag is Legit

Dont threaten Me

Or ill have to Make you Quit.

Your money is mine

Your a Fool I can see

Its only a matter of Time.

Ill walk outta this place, Sunglasses as a mirror

Suit coat crisp and clean

Youll Know we own Billions, and itll Never be Clearer.

You cant talk our Talk

You cant walk our Walk

Hell No I wont be your tutor

I know you wanna be Me

Cause Im'a Hot Shooter.

Boom.

Don't Judge, Just be Jealous

We will Be Ballin All over Vegas.

My Cousins wedding is Gonna Rock

But Friends, I cant wait to Throw down.

(by that, i mean, visit the m&mfactory)

I am SOOO Excited.

Infact, My friend K

went on a Diet with No Soda.

A Whole Month,

No Soda.

Just so he can play Craps.

I Have been preparing for this weekend for a Month.

And its time

Time to Show Vegas

Who Wins and who Loses.

What Happens there, Will Stay there.

(except, ill be showin tons of pictures, be prepared!)

Jesus Christ Lives, And, He Loves Us.

2010-04-15T01:01:00.000-07:00

I Know He Loves Us.

I know He Died for Us.

I Know He never gave Any of us, something we couldn't handle.

I know when we Feel we can't Handle it, He can Strengthen Us.

I know He guides Us.

I know He has provided a Way for Us, that we Might all Return to Him.

I know that Through him, we find Peace and Happiness.

I know that Following His path and His way, will Only Bring Us Joy.

I know His Gospel is Right and True.

I know he Put Special Guidelines for us, Because they are Right and can only bring us to Him.

I know When that Sweet Spirit is Near, I feel Calm.

Sometimes, I don't Know Much.

But I KNOW this:

There will never be a moment in my life when I ask where God is.

He is There, in Heaven.

Looking down on us, Putting a guiding light in our lives.

Loving us, Preparing Us, Teaching Us, Strengthening Us.

He Will NEVER leave us.

Because

I KNOW

He Loves Us.

The Curse of Independance

2010-04-06T22:53:00.000-07:00

As I sit and think about the past few months of my life

I realize how different of a person I am.

I feel guilty at the outcome and often wonder what I will learn

But I also know what I have already Learned.

As many of you may know, And many of you may not

I was married for a little over a year of my life

To an amazing guy with a heart of gold

But Sometimes we make mistakes

and do things that don't make sense

Ever.

Well, I've also been divorced.

In my 22 years of life in this planet

I have never learned more of myself than in this last year.

I know, it was alot to go through

just to learn some

But I know, that in the end

It will be a blessing.

Heavenly Father loves each of us and wants each of us to be Happy.

And when I say Happy, I mean Completely Peaceful.

If we aren't, He doesn't expect us to stay that way.

Well Ever since I've come back to Mesa

I have had to adjust alot.

I am finally going to start my old job back up

which I am afraid of. I feel like Ill Fail.

I havent worked in a year.

I fee like Everything I do

is like a new start

But I also feel like Im new at all of it.

Its scary to be someone for so long

and Meet a New You.

Then have to return to the old you once again.

Im afraid to Live life. Im afraid to Run and Let myself Fly.

Im a Dreamer.

Its a curse.

I Dream all day of how I want to be, Who I want to become.

Everyday I strive to be better at something.

Some things I have decided for myself:

1. Be outgoing, Don't be afraid of anyone. Chances are, they are just as scared.

2.Make new friends,Love people, Love yourself- and others will too

3. Work Hard.Working hard makes me strong and capable of so much more.

4. Smile all day. Don't let the little things take away your sunshine.

5.Be kind. To everyone, Love them like they are you Family. Drop what you're doing and serve them.

6. Take in the moments, not the hours.

7.Enjoy the small things. But Don't ignore the big moments in life.

8. Trust myself to Be. Be good, Be happy,Be smart, Be wonderful,Be intelligent, Be kind, Be patient, Be selfless.

9.Don't be afraid to follow your dreams. Take that random trip, Sing out loud while your driving, Dance around the kitchen, Smile at a stranger, Take chances, Take Risks, Learn new things, Never be afraid. Nothing can stop you, But you.

10. Love unconditionally. Myself and Others.

As I read this list, Im certain I have left some out

Im certain I have thought of others

and they may be significant or not.

But thats No matter.

Because I know that As I try to do this, sometimes Ill be brought down.

I am the only one who can let myself feel defeated.

But today, I felt defeated.

I havent been working as much as I needed

I havent done all that I can to better myself

I have made dumb decisions

But

Its Okay.

I learn.

We never stop learning.

I know that when My clutch is bad, I shouldnt drive to Tucson.

I know that when I have No money I should go spending it.

I can recognize the feeling that tells me something isn't a good idea.

This week I have tried to make friends

And because I am so attracted to things that guys like, I like to make friends with them.

I decided not to be afraid of myself

So I introduced myself to a guy at the mud bogs who is a mechanic and Likes to play in the dirt.

He is a good friend now.

If I want to work on a truck, just to learn how It works,

He will do it with me.

I decided to reconnect with old friends

Ones who will go to midnight movies, and get pumped about going to Las Vegas with me

Just because we wanna Dress like we're millionaires.

I let myself go offroading with some new people

and had a blast.

I didnt hold myself back.

Now they are good friends

The kind who call at 10pm to go cruise the desert

or hit the mud bogs

or go find treasure around town.

I like being me,

Im spontaneous

Not embarrassed to act stupid

Crazy

Slap Happy

Random

I love to play in the dirt

Do something crazy just to feel that way

I like being confusing

I like not knowing what tommorrow will hold

I like getting excited about one night camping trips

just to leave and come right back

I love the smell of gasoline

Lyin on the ground just to look under a truck

I love the sunshine

Loud music and driving fast.

I am me. And I am okay with that.

I try to be honest and tell it how it is.

My friend is struggling right now, he has been in my life for 5 years now. And I have always cared about him. I care about my friends.

I have a tendancy to love unconditionally.

That is my downfall.

My mom tells me Not to count on making alot of guy friends because guys my age

want wives

and I just wanna be Friends.

Shes So right.

But it makes me angry. I just want to be a good friend, maybe I just wanna be one of the guys.

Today I went to walmart and Bought My friend some survival goodies and put them in a bag.

and I took them to his moms house just so he Could have a surprise.

My brother told me Not to be TOO nice.

I got so angry.

I just want to be kind. I did it because I know it will Help. Because I know it will make things easier on him. Because I care.

And thats all I want.

I want to be ME, without all the assumptions, the judgements.

I want things to make sense, I want others to understand who I am.

I will always want to do and be the kindest person I can.

If that means making a package just so you Smile.

It.

If I want to drive 2hours just to be with an old friend, Just to escape here, and go there.

Trust me.

I can.

I know Im independant-

I want to drive far-

all by myself

I want to buy my own things

pay my own bills

I want to be tell you you are amazing

and Not feel like Ill lead you on

I want to tell you YOU CAN

and Not have everyone tell me I am making you believe something else.

I want to Love you and Not feel like I have to marry you.

I want to smile at you, just so you smile.

I want to rub your back, because it hurts, And I want to help.

I want to give you a note because your day was bad.

I want to Laugh because your funny

call you to see how you are.

When I say You, I mean all my friends.

I want my friends, my family

to know I love them.

I want to tell you I love you

and I hope you know I mean it.

I dont want being me, or being independant to be a curse.

I dont think its meant to be that way.

I want to do what guys do, I want to sleep under the stars

fix things that are broken

have dirt on my face and not care

Have my hair in a mess, and it be no matter,

I want to have a zit and not feel like pounds of makeup is needed to impress you.

I want to come over in sweats and a ponytail just to hang out and relax.

I want to eat food and not feel like im being compared to the anorexic girl next to me

I want to be proud of my chubby self and to love me, for me.

If you dont like how I look, Its okay.

Everyone is different. I dont need the world to love me

I love me.

And thats all that matters.

I hope I can make new friends

and have them forever.

I hope I can continue to learn about Me

and Love me

I know sometimes Ill doubt myself

But its okay

Ill be stronger tommorrow.

I Know who I am, And what I feel and what I mean. And I promise to be honest and kind.

I Promise to never give Up on myself

or on my family

or friends.

I promise to remember I CAN.

I always can.

And I know you can too.

I have a purpose on this earth

And its not to hide behind my fears

or run away from an oppurtunity.

Its to embrace to the good, and be the best.

The worth of Souls is Great in the Sight of God.

Love, Bree

I little Bit of Yummy

2010-03-29T12:05:00.000-07:00

HAPPY DAY!

2010-03-17T12:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Saint Patricks Day Everyone!

Now moving on

Tonight

is going to be EPIC

I will be heading over to one of my favorite Bars

(even though I dont drink,Im allowed to Love a Bar right?)

TobyKeiths I love the Bar

Because the one and only

Easton Corbin

Will be Debuting.

What

Babe

But thats beside the point

Its also Free and Fun

I cannot wait

In fact

Im waiting to shower until before that

So I feel alll good and ready to PARTY

Without the drinks of course

Although

Just like at the Gretchen Wilson Concert

Ill be drinking water and dancing

My butt will still jiggle and

People may or may not still think im Drunk.

Oh well

At least Im a Friendly " Drunk"

haha

Now for a Tale:

Yesterday My sister and I sat in bed

and decided it would be Grand to get in the little red car

and drive to Tucson to see my Dear friend Kamry and her three

little angels. We were stoked.

I gathered my things, my siblings and went out the door.

We drove and drove...for what seemed like ages

But the weather was amazing and were were blasting music with the windows

down

Nothing is better than that.

Nothing

I noticed my cars RPMs reving up and the speed going way down

and I did all I could to stay at a normal pace

But when the RPMs got to 5 and the speed to 40 I decided I needed to Pull over.

I did just that.

As I went to the side

The clutch just went out, Right under my foot.

Good thing I was getting off.

We called my mom, and asked her to call Dad.

Cause we knew he'd think we were retarted for driving that little piece of crap

in the first place

OH WELL.

We sat for 3 Hours

I enjoyed the loud music, and the Nice breeze.

4 Officers stopped to check on us.

Cade Got way bored and Opened up the back seat into the trunk

(I may or may not have thought about closing the seat so he was stuck in the trunk)

Finally Our Amazing Dad shows up.

Him and that Dolly in allll their

U-hauled glory.

He is my Hero.

He wakes Up at 3am

every day

and works until about 4pm.

He works his butt off.

Then he has to jump in the truck

drive 2 hours to tow us back 2 more hours

and I am SOO grateful for him

We LOVE you Dad!

Thats my Story

and Sadly we never made it to Kam's house.

But I WILL and NOTHING will stop me.

(Oh and did I mention we Also Said Prayers. Its no wonder we were So safe all that time, right on the edge of the busy Highway...)

Hope Ya'll have a Fabulous Fabulous Day Today!

Ihop? Somewhere? Anywhere? Nowhere.

2010-03-15T02:51:00.000-07:00

Well, Its been a day.

(obviously)

A long day

(not so obviously)

I went to church with some friends

Who, I must say, I love.

I mean it, Love.

I love them like they be my own siblings.

Or maybe thats awkward

But I love em' anyhow.

My friend K and I went over to our friend J's house

(really his grammas)

And I made K and B eggs.

Who woulda thought while I cleaned up the mess

Id make a bigger one.

J will tell you so.

(he called me out on it. Awkward)

Then we left for Church.

It was no matter to me that just moments before Church

I was being made fun of

Because

I love Church.

There is a certain Peace and Comfort there.

The spirit Dwells there.

And I am grateful.

Its like a recharge for my batteries.

Im grateful I have it.

Im grateful for friends.

After church, I went home.

Sadly

I sat on the computer for awhile.

( i really mean "awhile")

and was supposed to hang out with another friend, G.

G ended up not being able to.

So I went back over to K's house.

Oh the Joy.

Awkward story.

I was in the back of K's truck

(back seat)

B and K were in the front.

K's parents drive by, stop, and so did we.

K's dad Stares me down

Like a bull would do to a stupid man in red.

but he didnt move

He just...Stared.

AWKWARD.

Thats it. Guess you had to be there

But in the end, He realized it was just

me.

Little ol' Bree.

Harmless little Me.

Hallelua.

When I went back to K's

we rented a Redbox

(whoever invented it, is loaded)

and got the Time Travelers Wife.

Not suggested...Theres alot of Face hair

and bad acting.

Sweet, but So not worth it.

In other news today

K,B and J decided I am a HATER.

Yes, a hater.

Because I speak truths.

Like For instance: Cute girl in Church, AKA, Sacajewa.

I tell them

Very Cute, Not your type.

Hater.

Making fun of the Fake hair in the T.T.W movie.

Hater.

Telling J and K that Craps is lame

Hater.

I learned today, that Indeed, I am a hater.

Of all things Cheezy, Unrealistic and Cheap.

Is this such a Crime? No. Am I still a Hater. Yes.

Friends, This post was really random. Its now 3:05am

I seriously need to go to bed.

Oh and I think I saw Hayleys Comet tonight.

That comet was Just doin' it.

Doin Work.

Sleep good guys, Loves.

Gretchen Wilson at Toby Keiths I love this Bar

2010-03-09T22:43:00.000-08:00

Yes, This Very Sexy Lady was in Mesa, Arizona Tonight.

( and I am allowed to say shes sexy, Im allowed to check out girls...)

She was doing her very first Show in a small Venue and

SHE ROCKED IT.

I have a whole new respect for this girl

She really does ROCK

and sounds just as amazing in person.

HOW COOL.

Anyway, that was my adventure for the night

and I loved it.

I also Hiked today.

(some of you are probably gasping in shock)

Because you should be!

I havent done that much physical activity since I walked to the mail box.

I went up Usery Pass, and it was ROUGH.

I can feel my Hips and Knees starting to stiffen.

But

I am going again tommorrow. Whether or not I die.

I need to get in shape.

This has been a realization of mine forever

BUT

tonight, while I danced and shook my big ol' butt

It Jiggled.

YES

JIGGLED.

Heaven forbid, it jiggle. I mean...Come On.

I danced anyway.

But Every once in awhile Id come back to reality and realize I was probably causing an

Earthquake.

And Id stop.

Its called common Courtesy People!

Meanwhile Other people, walk by, Hit you in the jaw and then shove their dadnabbed

Elbows in your ribs, and it gets nasty.

I was bein nice anyway though

Cause even though Im a

Redneck Woman

I can be a High Class Broad.

Okay not really, But I can be patient.

I tried.

All in all, it was a fun night.

And I totally suggest listening to Gretchen, cause she'll rock your socks off.

Have a Fabulous Night.

Loves! Bree

Sick and Tired

2010-02-21T21:37:00.000-08:00

Yea, Im not talking about anything but

being sick.

I just got over and ear and sinus infection.

Now, Im getting another sinus infection

and my body hurts.

Bad Luck.

I hope its not the flu.

Im pretty Sure I havent been sick since at least a year and a half.

Oh well, I guess its my turn.

In other news, Im cleaning the room tommorrow. Its a mess.

For lack of anywhere to put clothes.

Im excited to see the floor.
And be able to find my leggings.

I Hope everyone is doing well.

You're all amazing

and I hope you know

When your confused or Lost

You can always get on your knees

and Pray.

Always.

Love, Bree

Sometimes, I Wander...

2010-02-15T21:56:00.001-08:00

In and outta thoughts.

I've been gone forever, and wish I had more to say.

One fabulous thing:

I got my package from Kass.

I loove it. Thanks Kass, You are amazing.

I have been gone awhile, and felt like I should Say Hello.

Even though I haven't posted

Ive been reading everyone elses' and

I love it.

There are so many inspiring people and things around me

It gives me Hope.

Strength

Reason.

And Im grateful.

The next while will be tough and confusing

But I know that because I have support

And Prayer

I will be Okay.

But

More importantly I can Pray for others.

I always do.

Phil

I know you'll never read this

cause lets be honest

whats so interesting about my rambling ways

but

I want you to know I think about you a lot

I worry

I cry

I smile at memories

I miss you

and

I hope you're okay.

No matter what happens

I Always keep you in my prayers and in my Heart.

I was worried about you while you were in California.

But so happy to know you Finally got the chance

to get away from the snow, to surf.

I know you Love it there, and At home in New Mexico.

I thought of you, Your chiseled Chest and strong, working arms

Carrying a surfboard to the ocean. Sunset hitting the water

the Sand, Light and color reflecting off your dark brown hair, eyes.

I was sad, that memory was created in my head.

But I was so so happy.

Because I knew

You were Happy.

I know you're strong. Your faithful.

You're courageous.

You're patient, Kind, Hardworking.

And Im grateful for that

And

For you.

I hope everyones Last few weeks have been pleasant, Enduring, and Happy.

I hope we remember to soak in those precious moments with ones we Love.

To remember the smell, the colors, the feelings.

To take in the smile, the laughter

The Love.

Pictures can wait, because our minds will always hold more memory.

Our minds remember details, feeling, sights, happiness.

The creases in a smile, the crows feet at the eyes

The color of the sky

The movement of the leaves

The sway of the hammock

The warmth of a chest

The touch of a hand

The comfort of protection

The tinyest bits of moments

the most important ones

Wont always be found in pictures

but

in Memory.

Share those with the ones you Love

With the ones Who love you

and with those, who you know

One day you will Love.

Im grateful for Love

For patience

For the answers I recieve from my loving Father in Heaven

I know I will always find happiness

and Peace

Through Prayer and The love of my Heavenly and Earthly Family.

I hope everyone had an amazing Valentines

I hope you all know

That each one of you

Has a special meaning to me.

Thank you for you examples

Your kindness

You beautiful Photographs of your Memories

and

Sharing your lives.

I'll be back soon.

Love, Bree

Break

2010-01-26T22:16:00.000-08:00

I know Im not much of a blogger, but I must tell you.

I will be absent for awhile.

Not because I don't want to blog

But because I just

Can't.

Sometimes, Life must be lived and dealt with first

and

that is just what I'll be doing.

I am so grateful for my new friends

and hope you all are doing well.

Thanks for being so wonderful and inspiring.

I find the peace of the ones I Love

Much more important at this time.

The heart Grows fonder

while away.

Much love, and Prayers your way.

God, be with you until we meet again.

Love, Bree

Purpose.

2010-01-23T18:25:00.000-08:00

I just want you to know, I am Addicted.

Yes, this may seem like a lengthy confession of un-kept time and activity

But, Its not. I don't think.

I just want to be naturally talented.

I've been blog hopping and have found amazing and creative people that I don't even know.

But love and look up to!

Ridiculous?! Yes. And I'm not afraid to admit it.

It's rather a nice feeling to be inspired by others, It's such a Nice feeling.

I only want to Inspire others myself.

So, Friends, The point of my blog is to ask you...

How.

What can I do to make a difference to you.

Need I write a story? A book.

Travel the world to feed the hungry.

Create beautiful and inspiring things.

Donate all my money to charities.

Have a fabulous blog?

What Can I do.

This question has been eating at me, and I have come to see:

That I am original, Beautiful and Talented.

Not temporally talented, But spiritually.

I was sent to this earth for a PURPOSE.

Purpose doesn't always mean changing the world,or finding the attention of media.

It means finding a purpose, and giving it purpose, Everyday.

Everyday, you,and I, we have a purpose.

We must find what that purpose is.

For Me, It is a jump and a bound and a Journey in itself

just to find that purpose daily.

But I want to live each of my days

These days Which I'm blessed with

With a purpose.

I don't have to change the world, I just have to change how I plan to live with a purpose.

So, I will take it a day at a time.

Accomplishing a purpose each day.

And when I die, and sit in the Heavens, speaking with my sister, my grandpa

my anscestors

About my purpose, I can say, I had one. Everyday of my life.

And each day I lived, I had that purpose.

I lived that purpose.

How will you live yours?

Photographic Snow Journal

2010-01-22T17:50:00.000-08:00

Snow.

Not as enjoyable when it' Dark and Dreary.

But when the Sun Shines, It's Beautiful.

(Obviously No Sunshine in this One.)

Art Class

2010-01-21T18:42:00.000-08:00

Today, I had Denim Bleu and Blazen Trails over.

They came over for Art Class.

And this is the Fun that we had!

Blazen was waiting for his painting to dry and decided to jump off the couch. When he saw me watching he didnt know if he'd be in trouble.

Nope, I told him to go again, and he said "Otay".

Denim and Blazen were Looking at the racoon in this book when they found whales and fun creatures. They Loved pretending the book was a spell book too.

Denim would say " Alacazam, Try try again. Alaczam, Tritsa tree Fort. LOOK BREE! A COUCH FORT!"

Denim and Blazen's Paintings of themselves, I want them on my walls.

We painted Noodles to glue on our paintings, and Decided to make necklaces instead.

This was the mess, at the begininng. And now, my counter is covered in colored paint. I LOVE it. I've been meaning to update my kithen with color! Thanks kiddos!

Blazen loved that Phil had a "pistoh" and "cacoon hat", and we were enjoying him playing with them. It was a success, I may not be a professional art teacher But we had fun painting!

Thanks to my friends who Game me ideas!

Kass, that website was Freakin adorable and Im SO glad you let me know about it!

THANKS GIRL!

CARAMEL CORN RECIPE...Enjoy!

2010-01-21T08:56:00.000-08:00

You will need: 2 Bags Chester's Puffcorn (butter flavor)

Sugar

Karo Syrup

Butter (buttercream)

Salt

Baking Soda

Get a LARGE bowl and Spray with PAM.

Poor The Puffcorn into the large bowl (and I mean LARGE)

Get out 2 large Cookie Sheets and set those aside, sprayed with PAM also.

TURN OVEN ON TO 200 Degrees

2 Cups Dark Brown Sugar

1/2 Cup Karo Syrup

1 Cup Butter ( Buttercream is the best!)

1 Teaspoon Salt

Put all the ingredients into a Pan on Medium Heat, Stir around until mixed together.

Now, Put your stove on High and bring to a boil.

Continue boiling until the sugar is disolved (dark brown)

Take pan off heat and Put in:

1 Teaspoon Baking Soda

Stir and watch the mixture puff

Poor the hot Mixture onto your puffcorn in the big bowl.

STIR until all that yummy caramel gets on the corn!

Spread half and half onto each pan.

Stick one pan into the oven and turn the corn every 15 minutes. Until you think you can't hold back anymore! Just make sure its doesn't burn!

(you're supposed to keep it in for an hour, but I dont know ANYONE who could keep that yummyness in the oven that long.)

HOPE YOU ENJOY! ITS SO YUMMY! AND THERES ENOUGH TO SHARE WITH YOUR WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD ALMOST!

Unless......

Much love! (sorry I dont know how else to write a recipe)

HELP!!!

2010-01-20T19:50:00.000-08:00

I have run into a Dilemma! I told a Girl I go to church with, Timber, That I would be her kids Art Teacher. Just for change of scenery and some fun. Well, Where we will- everyone lives like 20 or more miles apart. I do crafty things, but nothing much for Little Fingers!
Ineed some fun and easy ideas to do with them, Ideas that might also be able to teach kids how to use art and love it. I sure love art, But Im not too good at it.

So, The purpose of this post, is to all you little ladies who have kids, and have some fabulous ideas for me! I dont have a store near, so its got to be thirfty!

I would really appreciate it and LOVE you to the end if you could help!

Denim Bleu and Blazen Trails would also love you for the ideas you give me for them!

You guys are amazing LOOVES!

Words for Thought.

2010-01-20T16:58:00.000-08:00

I made Caramel Corn...mmm

2010-01-20T14:29:00.000-08:00

Yes, Its true! I've actually done something productive, and VERY rewarding. Now that diet is a huge thing for pretty much EVERYONE, I can be a little more excited that I have chosen to enjoy life every once in awhile and not feel quilty. I mean, How could you, ITS SO YUMMY.

And now, Im enjoying it, while---and my newest friend Kassi will love this--- Im watching a show almost exactly like the one Bear Grylls does..but this guy is not as good at his outdoors living haha.

Much love

A little fun and Some little Pretties

2010-01-20T11:00:00.000-08:00

I just love this space, Not sure where I got it from, But I love it! it makes me happy, the colors are just perdy aren't they!

Moving On...chugga chugga

Some frriends of mine, Or fellow Bloggers, who blog ALOT more than I do, and Are amazing, are all doin some fun giveaways or activities that I know you will love!! Go check them all out! I put their blog links on my sidebar! So go visit and see what fabulous fun they are letting us participate in!!!

Much love friends! Peaaccee!

Garnett Kansas and Nauvoo Illinois

2010-01-19T19:23:00.000-08:00

I Had the oppurtunity to take some photos, I know they aren't professional, But I love photography. I took these with a simple digital camera, so excuse the poor quality. I just found these in a hidden folder and thought it would be fun to show the beauty of the East in April. Enjoy!

Today

2010-01-19T17:23:00.000-08:00

This was Yesterday, I wish you could see the size of the Snowflakes that fell from the sky.

But
Today,the sun was out when I woke up from a dreamy slumber.

We did much of nothing, until a friend of Phil came by and talked forever.
Then, after much deciding and evaluating, we decided to drive into Springerville, AZ to get some grub and a couple Groceries.

When my aunt was visiting she made this amazing amazing caramel corn, so I bought the Things I needed to make it. I am Stoked. But that will be another post.

I know you're excited. You should be, because its amazzzing. MMM.

Anyway, Now we are watching BONES and waiting for something else interesting to come on.

Ive been reading many intreguing and inspiring blogs and I wanna get creative,but I dont think I was born with that bone.

Anyway Thats the update for now Hope you are all doing well! Much love!

Just a Picture (because my computer won't load the rest)

2010-01-18T22:06:00.003-08:00

In the Spirit of Christmas, we took a picture with an adorable puppy, Near a cozy fire and , why am I wearing Orange? Because Red is over done on the Christmas Season.

I tried to load some newer pictures of the huge snowflakes and the yummy lunch we had but my computer won't work with me. So this is what you get.

Tommorrow,Phil is planning a spontaneous day. So, I will take my camera and record it. And if you're lucky, Phil will take some photos. He is an amazing photographer and has an eye for detail. So, We shall see.

Hope you're having a fabulous evening. But now I must finish Conan and Get my rest.
Dreams await me.
Adventures do too.

Much Love

In Celebration

2010-01-18T21:44:00.000-08:00

I Have ONE Follower. Iwant to tel Chloe thanks for being a Friendly Follower, even though I know my Blog is Ugly, and very very boring. But, When I find myself in an adventure or doing something Fabulous like you Always do, I will Post on it. Until then, Thanks Chloe!!

PS
Friends, I need help. I cant even want to read my own blog. Its not very pretty, and is DEFINATLY not my style. I have a horrible camera that cannot begin to portray the pictures I create in my Head. I don't have much inspiration to draw from, and I NEED some help! If you have any tips, tricks or love to give, PLEASE let me know! All my Love!

Her?

2010-01-12T22:20:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen Arrested Development? I have. I love it.

Anyway

Well I'm a little aggrivated. To say the very least. I was posting along, minding my own fingers, when, ALL of a sudden- my silly little finger confused DELETE with ENTER. How? I have no idea, because out of no where, my WHOLE ENTIRE POST was just gone. Buh bye gone, never comin back gone. Oh well. I guess it makes me creative juices flow- or it just makes me rack my memory. I dont know.
Im sitting here in my PJs , The ones my mamma got me for christmas and a stolen yellow sweater from my sister. Nice and comfy, Mind you, I been in these babies all day. Why? Today we drove four hours from our hay farm in Rodeo, New Mexico. Where we helped weigh cows, Phil Preg Checked the cows( to see if they were bred), and chose which we would like as replacement heifers. I know, sounds fun. Well it can be. This time we were lucky to have Phils brother nathan and his girlfriend and my friend Steph there too. Good company for sure. Me and steph we in charge of movin the cows through the chute. Which demanded much hooting and hollering. Cause, I tell you, those cows will give you alot of CRAP. In every sense of the word. I mean, they stop in the middle of the allyway and make it so we had to yell or hit the side of the chute to scare them or,sometimes, we zap em a little. Dont worry, not enough to make em into burgers. But, None the less, They always poo. Always. But since these cows eat very green feed, their poo is green. and not so nice to see. These guys even poo on eachothers head. I mean FOR REAL. I can only imagine what those cows are thinking , I love you for pooing on me- or I hate you for pooing on me. Probably the latter. Anyway, that was probably the most exciting time. As we finished up the couple hundred head of cow, Steph had to leave. Sad day. Especially in the fact that, the nigh before we buddied up in one room. Lets just say, we bonded by talking until 3am and then, I had a Night Terror.
Yes. A night terror. 10times worse than a nightmare. I cant wake from it, but everyone around me, who hears my bloody murder screams sure can.
It was about a spider.
I told her " stephanie, cover up , theres a big spider!"
and when she didnt cover up:
" stephanie, REALLY, ITS HUGE"

To say the least, she is still my friend. Boo Ya.

Anyway, our time in Cochese was fun. And a change of scenery is always nice. At home, theres a little snow on the ground and on thursday, we will get alot more.
THIS means SLEDDDIING! anyone who wants to visit , really should. I mean, WHO cant resist some fresh air, nice cooking (sometimes) a warm cozy house, horses, snow and sleds! ( I could even make coco.)

Now that Im sitting here in my PJs, still, I guess I should go shower and put my bed sheets in the dryer.

I know my post has been lame, and I didnt take pictures during the Holiday season, SO for the next week I will :
take pics of the snow
enjoy my aunt vickis company, and cooking, and take pics of that
eat alot of yummy food
help marlena make handouts
hang my wall deco (and take pics)
watch conan every night
help phil preg check more cows (and take pics)
and enjoy the sun while its still here......

Until then, Im sorry for now pics BUT I promise ill catch up!!
MUCH LOVE

Tidbits for Thought

2010-01-07T12:09:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking.

2009-12-30T23:44:00.000-08:00

It's true. I've been thinking.
Thinking about life, It's trials. It's every waking fear of something we don't want to happen, to happen. It's unseen battles.
I've been thinking how, even out of pure faith,I chose this. We all chose this.
Each and every one of us stood by as the greatest war waged in the Heavens.
We didn't just stand by, We stood, Immovable at Our Heavenly Fathers side.
We chose his plan and we chose this life, this trial, this amazing and endearing time, in which we GET to prepare to meet God. To go home, where peace finds its way to our hearts and bodies, Where we know our loving Father is, Where we know we are free from the strains and wiles of satan.
But
I've been thinking, that not only can we find peace in our hearts and minds in Heaven, But, We can also Fall to our knees and ask our Heavenly Father for Peace, for comfort and for reassurance. We can also recieve it. We must be willing to sacrifice much, and be fully faithful in our Father to guide us and direct us. Only He knows what can truly make us happy.
Ive been thinking, Who would do anything to alter that amazing and merciful oppurtunity? I surely cannot. I have. I'm certain that many of us have become lazy at some point, and maybe, there are those few who stand true every second, I know I have faltered.
But
I also know, I cannot falter. For my own sake, but also for all that I stood for in the Heavens above. Where I stood, Immovable at my Heavenly Fathers side.
Can I not do that on earth. Surely I can.
And Surely... I WILL.

One Year

2009-12-19T13:06:00.000-08:00

Today is Our First Year Anniversary.
It sure has been a long year, But I'm am grateful for Phil and that he puts up with me and my crazyness.
I am grateful for his hard work and dedication
For his intelligence and his patience.

Happy Anniversary Philly! I love you!

Yeaaa....

2009-12-17T20:45:00.000-08:00

These two little Princesses are Phil's nieces. Meg and Ellie. Precious...

These are my children. Who aren't really Mine. They are my Best Friends Kelli and Richie Pews' kids. And I love them like they were my own. Aren't they Perfect?

Why, Yes. This is a picture of my sister Whitney and I. We are driving somewhere...I can't recall where.

Isn't she so Beautiful?(and shes single)

Well, since I haven't posted in forever, and considering, I love to get on and see others have blogged, I thought I'd at least do something. SOMETHING. and this is what you get.

But also, Tommorrow is my Birthday. I feel like I'm getting so old. But Im not old yet and I don't plan on acting that way yet...or...ever.
But I hope my parents know how grateful I am that they raised me and put up with me.

Yay for random pictures and Birthdays!

A peak into my cozy house..and some deco mishap..

2009-12-11T22:19:00.000-08:00

Today, I cleaned up my room. And when I finished I went to my friend "Mearl's" (Marlena) house and we were going to bake. And we did just that. I attempted to make sugar cookies and for some reason, or another, they were to dry. I cooked them anyway though. Because I had this fabulous idea to use them as ornaments(because they were so hard..) and I painted them with puff paint glitter. I have yet to place them on a tree, which I will buy tommorrow ( a very mini one). Mearl and I are going to Albequerque to get our nails done for our birthdays. I can't wait to get outta the house for some fun! Anyway, I also remembered some fun Christmas decor I had hidden in my gargage. (OLD ornaments my grandpa Crandell made) and I LOVE anything old, used and antiqued (I made a little funny garland out of the ornaments cause I dont have a tree yet) SO, below are some random pictures of my living room.The rest of my house is a bit messy...so you only get the living room view!
I am so excited to go to Mesa for Christmas and I am excited to have at least a Tiny bit of Christmas in my tiny little casa. Ill be puttin up pics of my newly decorated guest rooms too, and I know you'll LOVE it, cause I dont know ANYONE who decorates in this oldcountry style...Yep, Im pretty awesome! haha Just kiddin. (and i must say, its even better because most of it it found on the ranch, and i re did it.)

Anyway! I have to go get a mani tommorrow, AND PICK up my CELL PHONE! YAY!
So, ya'll have sweet dreams and a happy night. Don't forget to say your prayers and read your scriptures!! :)

Much love, Bree!

One Of Those Days....

2009-12-09T19:45:00.000-08:00

It's been one of those days. Yes, I mean one of THOSE.
It started when I went to bed at 1:30am, or at least , I was headed to bed. When Phil woke up and asked for advil. He has body ache and doesn't feel well at all. So I took his shower chair (from when he broke his leg) and heated up the bathroom for him, and in an attempt to be motherly and get Phil something to make him feel better. I went to my kitchen, opened the medicine cabinet and searched for anything. All I could come up with was : Advil, Zicam and some EmergenC. So, I took them all the the bed table and let him take his pick. Like it was a party platter or something. haha.
Anyway, We finally got some sleep. And, Yes, I slept in until 10am. I am in awe at myself that I am capable of letting my day pass like that. I guess , Over the past year I have grown into a habit of not doing anything, because I feel there is nothing for me to do here. I sleep in, because I feel it makes the day pass faster so I dont have to sit and wait for my time to go to bed. I find myself checking FB and Blogs just to keep me busy, so I feel like Im living vicariously through others. I look at myself in the mirror and see Im not ...Me. I never get ready, there isnt any reason to feel pretty or waste my time if I can't see anyone. I wake up, and Im already curious what Ill eat , just because it keeps my mind busy for the first hour of my day. I want to visit people, but have no one my age near by. I find myself wishing I could have a job a love. Or at least have one that I want to go to everyday. My only option here, is the school. I wish I could do something to contribute to our income, or even our life. And all I am capable of doing- is cleaning my house. I can hardly even do that. I have a mess of clothes on the floor. All clean. And I cant even make myself put them away.
Its a battle everyday. I want to nap, I want to sit and thats all I can do. Where does a life begin, and where does it end. I wish I knew, I wish I could tell you all that my life feels fabulous to me. I wish I could tell every person that looks at me and says " You have the Dream life", that you may not think of it that way. Because thats my automatic , internal response each time someone says something like that to me. I try. I try hard. I say my prayers often, I read and I ask my Father in Heaven to help me be strong. To help me Know what I need to do to live my life, as he would have me live it. And to those of you who think Babies are the answer, they aren't. To be able to take care of any other human being, you must have taken care of yourself first. I am still doing that. I will know when its my time to be a mom, but I know my Heavenly Father woulnd't bless me with such a huge blessing unless he knew I was ready. I have Faith in my Father in Heaven. But I also need me friends and my Family.
I want Emily Merkley (Sp?) to know that I am glad she posted on how she feels alone. I know what she means, and I know that its so easy to feel inadequate. Em, you are amazing. And you always will be!
Please, understand that I dont write this to make you sad, or confused. I just needed to vent. I think writing used to make me better, its therapy. And its been so long since I've done so. So, I figured me blog would be easier. I can type faster here anyway. Friends, I love Life. I love the sunshine, the smell of rain in the desert. I love cold wind blowing in my face when I get to ride quads or go fourwheeling. I love kettle corn. I love salads. I love my family and their support. I love my church and the people in it, even those who aren't members of it. I love children, I love LMN, yes the womans channels with sappy movies. I love movies. I love the beach, beach cruiser bikes, Antiques.
I could go on, I love alot. But I especially love life. I just have gotten stuck in a little spot and I dont know anyone who hasn't. I Just want everyone out there to know, I am happy, but I am just confused. I know there are others our there like this, And I want you to know- you are not alone. You have a Father in Heaven who you can talk to, always. And you have friends who you can turn to. And i'd like to be one of them.
Smile often, and think positive, I believe positive thinking releases those endorphins we need to be happy. And I know that If I can make it here, where its me and Phil and and a couple people from church, you can do it. You can.

Thanks to my family who love me and support me. And thanks to my friends. I love you all!!

Herumph..

2009-12-09T00:08:00.000-08:00

Im so sleepy. But, because of my mama, I inherited this intense night owl thing. Sad day. Or should I say night?

Yes, I did just search netflix and found this old movie, which was originally in spanish, and had the little words in english at the bottom. BIGGEST waste of my time..but.. I do love me some random LLAAATE night entertainment.

Now I gotta go to bed.
BUT ive decided, for a few of my old friends, or people i knew, I found some fabulous pics! YAY! so , tommorrow........

until then...

NIGHT!!

Flashback...

2009-12-07T20:15:00.001-08:00

Thanks to Janet Emch, I recieved This pictured, and I laughed. HARD.

And, Thanks to Jen Card, I saw this one posted on FB. Hideous, I must have dressed up for Valentines day and had static on my head... Enjoy the laugh....

So, If you have any old photos of yourself, post them. Its good times, OR if you have any of me, PLEASE share so we can all LAUGH!

Today

2009-12-06T20:01:00.000-08:00

I did not take these photos today, I actually took them quite a few months ago, on the way home from Phil's last doctors appointment.
It was about four months after being married, and living on a ranch in New Mexico. When my brother and his then girlfriend came to my house to partake of the beauty and ride some horses in the big country. As we saddled up in the new mexican heat wave, Phil decided to jump onto the 2 year old Fillie he had been training for a year ahead. As I watched him walk along side where the stock trailer was parked, the fillie began to act up. She started skipping and hopping, then suddenly and unexpectedly bucked. As I watched this happen, as if it were a movie, Phils body jolted forward, straddling the horses neck. She gave one final and quick kick, causing Phil to violently fly backwards, her hind end struck phils backside and he flew at least 7 or 8 feet into the air. I watched this slow motion movie. He fell to the ground,hard.When he hit, he fell directly onto his left hip. And in an act of shock, he quickly jolted onto the right side of his body,and groaned. I have to admit, knowing Phil, I thought he might jump right back up and say some self proclaimed gesture like " Im a real cowboy!" Well, He is. He is the bravest one I've ever met. Because as I laughed to myself, and ran to his side. It was quickly brought to my attention that he wasnt going to jump up and brag. He was hurt.His face was nearly translucent, white as can be. His left hand held tightly to his left hip in an attempt to make his leg feel better. And it would never work. Because as I look down, It had become swollen immediatly.It looked as though he has a pillow stuffed in his pants. Instant saddle bag. The first words out of his mouth were " I think you need to call 911, I think I broke my hip." I asked my brother to pull the truck over so we could load him in, but realized he was so hurt and broken to move on our own. We happened to be at the headquarters of our ranch, where our ranch hand, Guierllmo, had his house. I ran to the door, and in an effort to speak spanish to his sweet wife- said- "telefono?" And thankfully she understood. I dialed 911 and asked where the nearest ambulence was. I'm sure you're thinking I should have asked for help imediatly, But in the event that we were 22miles from town, down a spiraling dirt road and at a place where there was no physical address, I needed to know how quickly they could get Phil to the hospital. In an huge blessing from our father in heaven, there was actually an ambulence there in Quemado.( probably in the event that any cowboy would get hurt riding crazy horses, or moving cattle) I asked then to send one quickly and hung up. Then I realized I had given her directions but that they may not know where that was. So , I called back. I said " I know you will be my best friend by the end of the day! Im sure Ill call a few more times. But..." and further explained the directions. The heat was bad, and I knew Phil, being in shock and in an intense pain that I could not begin to explain, needed relief. So, since I cannot speak spanish, and Phil is fluent, I asked him to tell Guierllmo to bring something to cover him from the sun. So, in pain and lying on the hard, rocky ground, he could even translate. I'll have you know, I was feeling an intense calm. Convinced and faithful that Phil would be just fine. I constantly said prayers that he would stay calm. That his pain would reside and that he would know he would be okay. I know that that sweet spirit that comforts us in time of need, was with us. I also know, I was not the one feeling pain. But I knew I was there with Phil in that moment for a purpose. He needed my calm. I need him to be calm and because of that- I was blessed to be peaceful. Think clearly and help Phil know he'd be cared for. As I sat on the ground, his head rested on my thigh. Guillermo held the piece of plywood over us so hat the sun would not shine. He was even whiter. He breathed as though he couldnt and his grasped his leg still. I knew he was hurting and had to know how soon that ambulence would arrive. So I ran and called 911 again. The same girl answered, and I was glad, because she truly was a friend in that moment. She told me it would be okay, they are very close. So I returned to Phil. As I approached him, the ambulences sirens reared in the background, attempting to warn us of their approach. I was instantly in protection mode. I think it might have been the mode a mother would go in, if she knew someone she didnt know was going to handle her baby when they are hurt. I felt exactly that. Please don't hurt him anymore, I thought to myself. They woman and man came quickly from the ambulence and asked what happend. I told them and as they inspected Phil, they said his may have broken his hip. For a cowboy, that would be the worst news. They proceeded to cut off his jeans ( which Phil would complain later that those were his favorite wranglers) They told me they had to remove his boot, and in some idiotic act, they began unbuckling his spurs instead. I told them they only need to pull of his boot, because the spurs would come with them. And they did just that. I held Phils hand, I knew it would hurt him, pulling on a leg that had a broken bone. He screamed and moaned and my stomach hurt. I wanted to cry for him. I always thought id be the one to get bucked off a horse. Why couldnt it be me? They finally got both boots off and as they lifted him be his side to slide him onto a gurny, he screamed again. I noise I never wanted to hear again. My wish wasnt granted. They loaded him in and I climbed in and sat next to him for a moment. I grabbed his hand and stroked his face.And in that moment,a tear fell from his eye. He hurt and he needed that touch to comfort him. I wanted to cry but knew he didnt need that. I asked my brother to drive my truck home and I asked if I could go in the ambulence. We began was seemed like the longest journey down a dirt road, with bumps and dips that could make for the perfect fourwheeling. But not the perfect friend for Phils leg. He felt every little bump, and I knew it. He screamed everytime. He is strong and tough but when a man is in a pain so intense, he cannot pretend he is okay. It is a way of survival. And I hated that survival tactic. But, We made it to the road.The road to the town east of Quemado was 125 miles.( needless to say, they coulndt even give Phil pain killers,I dont think many of us could even fathom that idea.) A journey that most would never have to drive with their husband screaming in the back seat. But I did, and Prayer was my best friend that drive. The driver spoke to me softly, telling me its okay that I didnt like it, He was not yet used to hearing people scream as he drove. He was responsible for hitting bumps, missing cracks and safely getting people to the hospital. In our case, The weather was bad, So instead of being airvacced , we drove 125 miles to soccorro. Where they loaded Phil onto a plane made for 3 people. They told me I could go. Because I was so caught up in being there for Phil, I forgot to grab my wallet, or anything. I only had a phone. I didnt even think that when we arived to the hospital, Id be alone and have no money or way to get anywhere. But that was okay, I was there.And that, was enough. On the drive over I called Phils mom, and told her the news. They planned to get on a plane the next morning and meet me at the hospital. I got loaded onto the small plane and was sitting in the seat that was in the tail of the plane. By this time, the men helping has drugged phil. His arms were like noodles, flailing of the gurny and his mouth slightly open as if he was in a deep sleep. We began to go down the runway..I have to say, I joked with the men. I was calmer. Knowing Phil wasnt hurting. I was also looking forward to the turbulence and rollercoaster ride Id get in that small plane. I help Phils legs, because he was so numbed, he didnt know his legs were sliding off the gurny, so I held him in place. The men on the plane told me I was doing very well and Laughed when I would smile at the plane dropping. I felt better. I felt good that I was able to have such a clear mind amidst chaos. We landed in albequerque about 25min later. We were met by another ambulence and I just tagged along as they quickly loaded Phil in and drove him through the busy and very bumpy streets. We arrived to UNM hospital. I was feeling good that Phil wasnt hurting, but I , for a small moment, felt alone. But then I knew I could handle this. I was meant to deal with these things, and I was able to do it alone. I am strong and I am able. And I was. We walked into the trauma where they put Phil on a table to take xrays. The nurses and doctors proceeded to ask about insurance and the story behind his broken leg. They let me look at his xrays as they took them and Allowed me to be near Phil the entire time. I was grateful. Needless to say, I had many funny looks. In the event of this crazyness, I had forgotten All I had was my filthy button up, some very dirty jeans, a messy ponytail and...boots with spurs. I jingled everywhere. And I think I noticed every person, especially the security check me spurs out. I was a walking attraction. When they were done they took us away, where they took Phil and asked me to sit for a few minutes by myself. I called my mom, My grandpa called me, and I was alone. Sitting in a hallway, thinking how I could do this without my mom to hug me, or without someone to hold my hand. And I could, but not right then. I wanted someone, or even a voice. I only sat for a half hour but It felt like an eternity. Finally they arrived back with Phil lying in a drugged daze. We were sent to a room in the bottom floor where they send all the trauma patents. They had told me they think he broke the ball of his hip and his femur. So they kept us in a tiny room. Phil slept and I sat, alone. Trying not to wake him. I began to realize I was light headed. So, completely embarrased, I asked if i could have a sprite. I think the receptionist know my life story by the time we were moved to another room. Poor thing. I was flooded with so much support from the people in my branch (extra small ward). Tawana was soo sweet. She drove the 2 hours all the way to Alb just to bring me clothes and be with me. Timber and Ace called and had a brother in law come give Phil a blessing. One that I think would eventually lead Phil to a quick recovery. A blessing I could never repay them for. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me, and knew I needed these people, and I am so grateful they were willing to drop everything and help. I couldnt have done it without them, and I thank them with my whole heart. One day, Ill repay them. Finally after a sprite, and what seemed like 5,000 phone calls, and a few hours, they moved us. We were up a few floors and now, we had a bigger room.It has a small bay window that had a bench.As the night came in the room, I felt a bit more alone. Knowing Phil needed sleep, I sat quietly. Waiting for Tawana. The nurse came in to tell me they wanted him into surgery as soon as they could. But that it might not be until midnight. I waited patiently. Finally, Tawana arrived with a bag of clothes. It was close to midnight, but we had time to run and get food. We ran out to tawanas trucks and hit up the nearest fast food place. I wasnt too hungry, but if I was going to stay awake through the surgery, I needed energy. We got taco bell. Gross. We hurried back and I as I walked in, the nurse hurried over and told me they were waiting for me. They needed to take Phil into surgery right then. I ran to the elavator with Tawana. We ran down the hall and made it just as they rolled him to the surgery room doors.But, he wasnt calm. He wasnt okay, He needed pain meds. But as he sat on that gurney,and groaned the doc (who I suspect was new) proceeded to ask Phil question. My heart hurt, but my chest was burning up, the kind of burn you feel when you get angry enough to punch some sense into someone. I almost did. I looked at Phil and told him he'd be okay. And that I loved him.And Finally, the doctor got my hint, hurry up and give him meds! who cared about the questions Id been asked 50times before. Then, I asked the doctor if I could watch the surgery. They just laughed. I assumed that meant no. They pushed Phil off and I walked back to the waiting room where Tawana waited. I was grateful to see her beautiful face. We went back to the room where I ate. We talked for a minute and I told her she didnt need to stay. I told her I would just sleep for a bit. I told her Id be okay. I was lying, but I also knew Id be okay. She left and told me to call her any minute I needed her. I was thankful. She left and I walked over to the bench, in this dark room. I had a bag of clothes that werent mine and an empty heart. The nurse came in, and I asked her if I could shower off. She told me "Im not supposed to let you, but Im goin to let you, I know how it feels to be alone". My heart wa thankful for a Heavenly Father who Loves me enough to send people the message that I needed them. Even though I never cried, even though I was on my own, every once in awhile I needed comfort. And I recieved that. I showered, Which felt weird. But I was finally clean. I put on some clean clothes and walked out of the room in some comfy sweat and socks. All I had were boots. That wasnt on my list of things to accomplish at the hospital "wear boots with pajamas around hopital." I walked to the elavator and when I got in I realized it smelt like a doctors office. and that If I was caught walking around in socks, they might not like me. So, I tried, really hard, to cover my feet up with the long sweat pants. and I was successful. But Im pretty sure it was obvious that I was doing that, But no one said a word. I got to the waiting room and sat in the chairs that look soft, but arent. They have big wooden arm rests, that arent very restful. There were sports on, and a very cute old man in the corner behind me, trying to catch some z's. I sat for awhile and realized my butt was numb. No bueno. So I walked back to the room to see if my chalupa was soggy. It was. I threw it away and walked back down to the waiting room. It was nearly 2 hours. So I just went back to the room, folded a blanket and layed my head down on my arm to try and sleep away my empty feelings. I tried to sleep away my feelings until I could have someone lying next to me, and until I could know it would all be fine. It was. and I knew that. I never doubted it. Perhaps it was because of he blessing Phil recieved. But I think from the moment he hit that concrete packed dirt, He was strong. He would be okay. They Finally wheeled Phil into the room. I felt to relieved. And then I was able to sleep with him sleeping next to me.
Phils parents arrived the next day with a care bag from my mom and sister that contained new comfy pants, a new shirt and some very comy flip flops. Even bathroom essentials! My mom sure knew how to make me feel like she was right there with me. I love her and am so grateful for her support. And I hope she knows I was okay. Phils parents rented a hotel, they even got me my own room. It was big and empty. But, We went to walmart, got a whole slew of things we'd need for the next week. Even makeup so I could feel normal. We returned to the hotel where I showered and put on my new, clean, and very comfy clothes. We planned to eat at applebees in an hour. So we could all nap. I couldnt. So, Oprah kept me company. Finally, they came to my door. We ate some very yummy food, or what seemed to be yummy cause I was starving. We made it back to the hotel, Phil had his new and improved steel rod and leg and my tummy was full. We visited. And when it was time to leave, I couldnt. I felt bad that they got my own room for me, but I wanted to be by Phils Side. And I would. The rest of this hospital stay, which was about 5 days, was successful. All was going well. I felt like Phil personal Nurse, and it would be that way for another 3 months. We slept on a blowup mattress pad in the living room or on the couches. Woke up every 2 hours to take pain meds. It was eventful and heartwrenching. My house was a mess and I felt like one. But the journey was worth it. Phils leg Is completely fixed. He rides horses and does everything he used to. He even got bucked off again, but on soft dirt this time, and laughed. I didnt think it was funny. I didnt wanna go through that again.
The reason I shared this, is because today, I am grateful. Grateful for love, for friends and for trials. I am grateful that I am strong and that I was blessed with the personality that I have, I know we each are given our specific traits for a purpose and in some way, we lift, strengthen and build eachother up. I know that I have been blessed. And I know that this life on earth is only the beginning. I am being molded, gaining knowledge and growing stronger to be with my family, friends and Father in Heaven. I know that I can always be watched over and that I am. I know I have support and always will. And I hope you know that I hope that I will see each of you, my friends, family or even those I dont know, In heaven. For, the trials we have here on earth, the people we encounter, are all for a purpose.
I marvel at the beauty of the earth and and at the Love I am blessed with. As I posted the above Photos, I was thankful this day for all that I have,and All that Phil and I have over come. A peace I will always have, and will always be grateful for.

(Phils leg after he for the rod and three pins put in.)

ThanksDay, Playtime and Some odd ones out.

2009-12-05T10:59:00.001-08:00

Here are a million pics of our fun down in Mesa! So much fun this thanksgiving!

Hoopes Family Barbeque!

A chandler Thanksgiving, We been playing football in the retention basin since I can remember... heres some fun pics!

Bug (hyrum) and Sissy (hayden) playin at the chandler household and Philly and meggie takin a break from a long day!

Hyrum's Little Sister, Hayden waiting for big brother to get done riding Jack. and Philly with hyrum, Hyrum riding a scooter...FUN times!

Here are some fun pictures of Philly, His Nieces Ellie (blonde) and Meggie (brownheaded) and Hyrum Pew (my favorite little engineturtle) haha.

In moderation... I guess?

2009-12-04T22:57:00.000-08:00

Well, I am the WORST with this here blog. I've decided. I was never a born Blogger. I am just one of those kids who decided to try it, and has failed miserably! BOY! But, Since I haven't gotten the proper amount of FUN and AMAZING pictures like so many of these awesome blogladies( or males) ...I did infact do some very fun creating today. Although I have discovered I am not a born creative gooroo either, I still need something to keep me busy. For those of you who don't know me, I married my hub nearly one year ago. I knew when I married him i'd be headed to a small place called Quemado, NM. But, I never knew It would be hard. And it is. But, its so beautiful and I am truly grateful for what God has blessed me with. Including this very hard trial of getting used to life as a ranchers wife. I've learned to rely on my Father in Heaven with all I have. For without Him and the sweet spirit which guides me, I would have given up long ago. So for the past year, I have been being taught to over come my trials by creativity. But up until a month ago, It did not set in. Today, I let my creative juices flow...Not too creative but I sure love to look at all things beautiful and nice. So, here are some very very awful pictures of my funny little things. And don't mind the lighting..I am not a photographer either HAHA! ( im sure these pics will end up ABOVE this post, dont ask me how, I dont know why and I dont know how to fix it haha)

OHHH I thing I figured it OUT! yahooo. Its late......SO, I totally just went through my pictures, I DID infact take some fun pics of thanksgiving Chandler style, and Killian style- Kinda. Also Some fun random ones for my friend Kel. (cause I looove my Pews!)
Anyway! Im off to bed, where yes, Phil IS already sleeping.... As the TV in the background has crazy, obnoxious commercials about Spa Sales in Albequerque ....Ive decided Its time to hit the hay. Where I sleep and dream and keep the heating pad on high at night...yes its that cold.

SO! sweet dreams friends! much love!

2009-11-22T20:29:00.000-08:00

Okay, So, Ive done the deed. Went into my hideous closet, and picked all the shirts off the hangers. Okay, Not all, just the ones I wear. I may or may not have stuffed my suitcase FULL and added the extras to phils stuff.

Anyway, the laundry is almost done and Im OVERLY excited to head out to Mesa. More sun, Family, Fun, FOOOOOD! Yea, you heard me, IM STOKED ABOUT FOOD! My mamas food is THE best food in the world. Always.

Stuffing and cranberry sauce. I think SOOO.

Well friends, Ive stuffed my camera into my purse and I am prepared to take lots of picstures , So, stand by! For some FUNNNN. yeehaw! Chandler Thanksgiving, here I COOOMME!

Love you guys!

HAVE A FABULOUS THANKSGIVING!

And remember, you have alot to be gratful for. Im not talking about the yummy dinner, the oppurtunity to dress up, Im talking about family. We were all blessed with a special family, that was meant just for us. Each individual sibling and parent was put here, and paired with you because our Father in Heaven knew you'd need them. I am SO grateful for a family who I love with my whole heart. My mom, who has never ceased to serve us and has always been clear of her love and belief in our gospel ( The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka Mormons) My Dad, who is such a strong , hard working , loving and humble person. I know he has always done all he can to support us, protect us and has always held the priestood, which blesses my life immensly. I love my brother Coby, who is one of my Best friends. He understands me, goes through trials like me and is soo strong. I know he was blessed with a sweet spirit and put on this earth to go through this journey with me. I love my sister Whitney. She was put on this earth to strengthen those around her, especially me. I know she is here for a purpose and she laughs at me, even when Im not funny. And I love my brother Cade. He is Such a funny kid, and he is sooo smart.Im grateful to have him because he lightens the load of life, he makes me laugh and he loves his family and his Savior. Most importantly Im grateful for them because they each have testimonies which strengthen mine.

And I know with all of my heart and soul that it is true. I know that we have a Loving Savior who loves me and you so much that he gave his life and suffered much tribulation, so thatwe can return to him and over come those sinse which hinder our spirits. I know that the Prophet Joseph Smith is was a courageous and loving prophet who sacrificed all he had, that he could bring us the truth of the Book of Mormon. Im grateful for him, and his amazing spirit and the untouchable and immovable testimony he had in this church and in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am grateful that I have had this sweet spirit always with me, to bring me out of sadness, and away from the wiles of satan. I know with all my heart that each of us chose to come to this earth, each of us chose Heavenly Fathers plan, and not satans. We must each remember how much we are loved and that we are NEVER alone. As long as we are willing to get to our knees and pray, we will be comforted in all our trials. Take those trials and endure them, love them. They make us stronger and help us learn. I want you all to know that I know that I am a special spirit daughter of my Father in Heaven , who loves me. And I Love him. I love my family and am grateful for my hustband Phil. Who supports me and who I know believes in this Gospel as much as Ido. He is the most intelligent person ive ever met and I am grateful that he can teach me. I know we are put here on this earth to learn, to grow and serve.

Im thankful for all I have, a bed to sleep in, food to eat, a Heavenly father who loves me and guides me, parents who support and love me. I thankful for the church, the scriptures, being able to walk, see, smell and enjoy the beauty of this earth. For the blankets that keep me warm, clothing, a roof over my head and a family and friends who inspire me and make me stronger. I wish and pray that I will return to Heaven with each of you, that we might continue our journey together, I love you each so much that this life just isn't enough time to spend with you.

Dont forget the blessings you have. Thank your God for them daily and always show your love for those around you.

Have a HAPPY thanksgiving! I LOVE YOOU!!

Why?

2009-11-18T21:02:00.000-08:00

Yes, Friends, this is Phil. Phil doesn't know it, but his style is inevitably going to become intensely popular. OH WAIT, not really. Although, I'm sure there are alot of people round' here in Quemado who dress this way too, don't worry Philly, you are not alone.

Oh, and I'm sure you've noticed I don't blog alot. WELL, we don't exactly have crazy vacays , or exciting happenings happening all too often, BUT FRIENDS! all is well! the Holiday season is HERE. Which means alot of happenings and I PROMISE to take lots of photos! It'll be lots of fun!

See you soon all you Goons!

Meld, Weld.

2009-11-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

No, no. Im not sayin' we played cards,Im just sayin' we Welded. Okay, I didnt. But Phil did. Today was over cast, colder than sin, and hailed on and off all day.

I was watching ANTM and Phil asked me to come eat lunch with him. So I heated up some yummy burros and headed over. It was a quick lunch and Phil says "I only have 15 Minutes left." Well, after I helped him clamp the sheet metal where it needed to go, I left home to start thawin' out some Rhodes Rolls. OH MY HEAVEN ON EARTH. Rhodes rolls are AMAZING. Especially dipped in butter before thawing. MmMmm. And I wanted to start boiling potatoes..which reminds me, I started that water like an hour ago, I guess I should go check on it....

Well , turns out, because me oven is so old school, if it gets too hot it just TURNS OFF. Wow. It has a mind of its own. At least it wont burn my house down if I leave it on...Im juss' sayin.

Anyway! So, Ive come home, finished the dishes, put in a load of whites and started the rolls.

3 hours later- NO PHIL. yes, he DID say 15min. HAHA. Silly kid. 2hours and 45minutes off.

Oh well, at least he got it done.

Back to ANTM (which is Americas Next Top Model, if you didn't know) Im watching cycle 13 or maybe 14, anyway. Its amazing. Seriously these girls have amazing hair, NO FAIR. But you know what else is cool about this cycle! Its Specifically for SHORT models. OH EM GEE. or whatever people say now days, (this is me tryin to be hip... does that make anyone else think of that old song ....hmm) Moving on.

OH WATER OVER FLOWING on the STOOOOVEEE

okay, we're cool. I got the taters peeled and put in the booiiling water, rolls are still rising and The house is clean. ahhh.

Now all I need is for Phil to come build a super hot, original wood stove fire. Yes folks, thats right. We dont use heaters in this town.

Im tellin you, If you ever want to get away, you're welcome to come here. We will just up and leave you with our house and free reign to build forts, make hot coco, ride horses in the snow and cuddle up to an amazing movie. Yess I know, sounds tempting. So, just let m know when you're ready for your all inclusive stay in the Killians New Mexican Humble Abode. er...?

okay SOOO obviously I dont do advertizing for a reason. badda bing

BADDA BOOM.

(by the way, above are pictures of todays activities...AND some extras of the casa. Yea, its a mess, phil bought a new saddle and had to oil it. yaaay for messes! )

2009-11-12T18:05:00.000-08:00

Oh , Yes, infact I did tell phil months ago that I hated that ugly tree that blocks my view of the vast world. And yes, infact, he did JUST remove it a few days ago. But none the less, even in the midst of this brown and hideous winter, it is a wonderful view where there tree once was. Thanks to philly! Halleluia! Halleluia!

and Phil may or may not have tried to replant that ugly tree.

Its been awhile...

2009-11-12T17:40:00.000-08:00

Well, Im Back.

Around here, we been busy. This is the time of year we ween ( halloween, haha.) the calves from they mamas. Then ship them off to the Farm in Cochese where they will grow nice and fat. Then from there, they go to happy meals all over the world! Oh how I love being part of the world happiness movement. I have decided that since some of you probably have never been around ranching, Im going to give you a peek into the life of a rancher. If you are part of peeta or thing that meat eaters are the devil, you should exit this blog now. I am not writing this for you. This post is for people who wanna see into a life totally different than their own, see how cowboys really are rough and tumble and how dirt really is a part of life. If even the bible tells me I can eat meat, well, Heaven here I come!

Mesa Lovin'

2009-11-03T19:11:00.000-08:00

(Land that I love, really.)

Yes, Thats right. I am in Mesa. Mah home town. Land that I looove. (me, singing the God Bless America song- go me!)

Oh! I cannot forget that today, many hours ago, I was in New Mexico. Phil, Mark, David and Vern all woke up at 5:30am to head over to headquarters to load up all the calves, lucky for me, Philly asked me to stay home and watch and make sure the Truck ( the one that transports the calves from our shippings pens to Cochese) didn't come and miss us. Also lucky for me, he didn't come until about 2 minutes after the guys arrived to serperate the calves from they mamas (if you get my drift). Well, I threw on my boots and my coat, thinking it might be freezing outside like it has been. It was warm. YAY! I grabbed my camera and drove over to the hay barn to help load. Don't fret though, I took TONS of pictures to show you, but because I came to Mesa, I was a nice wife and left the camera. So Phil could load the pictures and look at them at the end of his long day.

Well, Its over. The calves are loaded and gone for another year. But since we had 60 extra calves we didnt order 2 big trucks, instead we were thrifty and decided to load the rest in our 3 horse trailers and transport the rest ourselves. I was gonna go with Phil but since Cody went, I decided to head down to Mesa early. Oh what a Wonderful TREAT!

So , here I sit. At my parents house- where behind me my mom, dad, brother coby, brother cade, aubrey ( cobys girlfriend) and chance (cobys boyfriend...jk.) are sittin watching, none other than, the biggest loser. YES. we sit, and watch the biggest loser and think how nice it would be to work out like that, but dont. haha. what a life!

So on the agenda for tonight- get off this dadnabbed computer and spend time my my family.

And tommorrow- well I haven't thought that far ahead.

All i do know is- is that I will be gifting you with wonderful pictures SOON. and SOON my blog will look much more fun and intruiging to look at. Promise.

have a wonderful night friends!

It's a hard knock life

2009-10-29T17:16:00.000-07:00

Today was a stay home and do nothing day. Of course phil always found something to do between commercials. But, none the less. We stayed home. The first movie pick was called " Speak" with Kristen Stewart (yes, i can see you trying to think if that name is familiar, badda bing! its bella from Twilight.)

Well after we watched that, which in fact was a very cute movie. I recommend it, We ventured on out into the freezing cold wind. Snow falling everywhere. Its time for the horses to eat, especially the Stud - that little fella has always been spoiled in the heat- whether in Texas or in Mesa. Now its snowing?! whats the guy gonna do!? Eat more Hay. Its kinda like that silly commercial with the cows that say Eat more chickn. Except not. This horse doesn't care if you eat chicken or beef!

Anyway, as we did so philly realized 2 horses were missing. uh ooohh. So, i suggested to go off and look. Since we'd been in the house all day. Low and behold, id be the one climbing out of the truck to open the fence. BRRRRR. My nose almost turned into a carrot and my eyes to coal! Too bad i wouldnt be one of those cute ones with a scarf and top hat (said with an english accent of course.)

Well, to your dismay, we didnt find the horses but figure they are hiding behind trees from the coldness. Poor fellas. Lucky they have phil to give em tons hay!

Now, back in the nice warm house. Dirty dishes looooming in the sink behind me. Screaming-- CLEAN USSS.
Nope, not tonight. Gotta save me some activity for tommorrow!
On the list for the rest of the evening though:

1. Phil will make some fabulous enchiladas.
2. We will eat them , gobbble goooobbbble, while we watch none other than- Snapped and The office! booo yaa !
3. Pile dishes onto more dirty dishes and continue watching the shows.
4. Get up, look at the dishes and still give em the cold shoulder...
5. Hot showerrrrr (thats not all! you also get a nice wall heater to turn on as well ding ding!)
6. Leno, Conan. And thinking, thats not even funny anymore but ill laugh anyway to work out my cheeks.
7.Bedtimmmeee. YAY cold sheets, fan in my face. ZZZZZZzzzz.

Now that you all know what we will do tonight, will also know that we have obviously had a lazy day. Wonderful. But tommorrow, its back to harrrd work for philly and cleaning for me. YAY. Hope those dishes don run away during the night, it would sure make me sad if i couldnt visit them tommorrow.

Ohhh my dear friends, It is almost Halloweeen!!! Since we will not be there for this festive holiday, please do me a favor, and eat alll the butterfingers you can for me! mMMMmmm. But as for Thanksgiving, ill be eatin turkey stufffing and cranberry sauce all on my own, but you're sure welcome to eat some for me too!

Well I think its about time to get off this dadnabbed computer and make me a bathroom break before Enchiladas and some laughage!
Much love

2009-10-28T18:33:00.000-07:00

Shnow Anyone?

2009-10-28T17:57:00.000-07:00

Whoo, Over night. What a present...

See the hay barn alll the way over there?

Lou Lou's House, Taken over by snow.

This is our very,very pregnant Border Collie, Lou Lou. She basically got kicked out of her "house" (a broke down horse trailer with a doggie pad and food and water) because of the snow. Poor Girl. At least she has that punkin!

Yes, Our chickens Are infact hiding from the snowy, freezing cold winds!

Philly Comin' in from gatherin' a small group of cows. Brrr!

Sunshine In the Winter, Thanks Mama!

2009-10-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

Good Mornin' Friends!
It was a good nights sleep, that is of course, besides the two night terrors.
Thats right, Night Terror.

It's like a very bad nightmare that your awake in, but also that you feel like is so completely real.

It takes me about 20 minutes to work myself into reality, and in the mean time, phil is tellin me to go back to sleep.

After I got back to sleep, it felt like I had been sleeping for 5 minutes and Phil is shaking me at the hip. " Wake up- Wake up, Look! "

To my undelight, nothing but White out of my window. Yes, it snowed!

October is for Halloween, Not winter!! What is this world coming to!

But I must say , Heavenly Father knew what beautiful things I love. He blesses me with the oppurtunity to see things that make me incredibly happy. And I'm not talking about happy like, I get cake on my birthday happy.

I mean happy, when my soul feels happy. When I feel Warm and content. Like when the arizona sun hits my face, or the cold crisp air hits my face when I'm standing on the seat of my brothers jeep heading up a crooked hill. Happy when I jump into my blankets at the end of the day.

Now thats Happy. What makes you happy?

Callin' night, Callin' night...Hello?

2009-10-27T19:53:00.000-07:00

we ate one of those steers fer dinner tonight...mmhmm!

dearest molly butler,
i understand fully that you had a good intention to make a wonderful restaurant. well, it didn't last. your food made my hubs sick and my burger was oooover cooked. i mean, the moo in the cow almost never existed. anyway, phillian grilled up some steaks tonight, absolutly, A MAZE ING. i mean, perfect. plus rhodes rolls, salad and some some garlic mashed taterssss! yummy! id go back and.. NOT pay alot of money on that dinner mrs. molly. OHH mrs molly!

Imagine

2008-07-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

ill be honest right now, vocabulary and capitalization are not on the top of my list. so, granted, i love to write.. when i type, i just go with the flow. whereever my thoughts take me.

sittin here, i am kind of feeling a nostalgic feeling. listening to angels and airwaves on kamry's myspace, i keep gettin memories flashin in my mind. sudden, kind of like when lighting splashes through the dark skies, splitting what we see as one canvas of rain clouds- into a torn pitcture. Its like it splits it open so the drops of rain can fall. In this case, my memories arent causing rain to fall, that would be like... weird. i am sitting at the computer... if rain started falling i would be scared haha.

I think life is a whole book. its something that time controls, but we control what we do with the time that we are givin. God didnt put us here just to watch us fall and not get back up. He put us here to fall, get back up... and run with whatever we got out of that fall. even if its justDirt. Dirt dont hurt anyway... it washes off.

Speaking of life, i love it!

when i think of the word, it doesnt feel like it is a word. because of alll the words in a vocabulary- its the only one that brings so many memories i could make a picture story book just to store in my brain.

it makes me think of my favorite things in life: the blessings i have recieved: my family and the sunshine i live under. when the sun hits my skin it makes me smile everytime. I love the daisys and sunflowers that covers the country side. when the rain clouds roll in- threatening to clean the earth they sit on. I love when the smell of rain floats through the car vents . the winds blows and lightning flashes. I love watching the water dance to the sound of the earth as is moves. spinning in a cirular motion.... as we just sit and watch. it makes me wonder... why some of us just let it pass by.i bet God is sad knowing some of us walk by a pretty purple flower without even acknowledging it.

id like to stand on a corner and hold out my hat, asking people to give me the time they are going to waste.

the simplest things in life, are the things that make me happy, but like everyone else on this earth... sometimes i want things. more than i want things that matter. i want a nice truck, and a horse to ride. a quad. i want to bring my kids up in a life of dunes, camping and shooting. but thats just the worldly things... what i really want is happiness. a family of my own that i can love and that i can share my love of the the things around me. the beauty of each thing that surrounds us.

a family i can have for time... and ALL eternity. a husband who holds the priestood. and each move we make, each choice we have to make.... includes heavenly father.

i want alot.....but maybe if i focused on others... i would share this happiness with others. the world is full of it.... if each of us shared a small part of the happiness in our hearts.... maybe then... we would be able to return all together for eternity

as for right now.... its high time i stop typing

but.. life is too short not to write a happy thought, or look and enjoy each amazing thing around us. enjoy each smile someone gives you on the street. tell a random person they look amazing. think about all the people you love and the people you will love one day.... do all the right things.. just for them. enjoy the moment... and live for the memories you'll make. dont regret life.... we are here to learn.. to love... and to live. let yourself do just that..

until later! i love you guys!

<3 bree